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Honk Smash!

nice honkers"Honk if you love Jesus" is, if you think about it, a really tepid attempt at drawing unwarranted attention to oneself. After all, what's another electro-bleat in the sea of noise that surrounds the average motorist? Without doubt a person would garner an enhanced degree of consideration by acting on the advice of the following bumper stickers:

"Set a nursery school on fire if you love Jesus."

"Walk naked down the median of the interstate highway if you love Jesus."

"Fly an airliner into a skyscraper if you love Allah, uh, I mean, Jesus."

You see where I'm going with this?

And why limit such requests to Jesus alone? There are certainly many other Biblical characters worthy of a situationally-appropriate shout-out.  For instance:

• Discard your rear-view mirror if you love Lot.

• Drive aimlessly for 40 years if you love Moses.

• Run over a pedestrian if you love Job.

• Caravan to Florida if you love Methuseleh.

• Drive into the river if you love Noah.

• Get eaten by a fat girl if you love Jonah.

• Get a buzz-cut if you love Delilah.

Better yet:

• Give god the finger if you're an atheist.


Who Wants to Be A Cartoon Character?

bid goddamitThis is just an obnoxious reminder that Raging Pencils Narcissist Extravaganza and eBay Auction is staggering into its third day. Bidding has thus far been light but I'm certain many of you are quietly mustering your finances for the final few seconds, whereupon you will snipe yourselves into web-comic Glory. (And if you don't, you're fools. FOOLS, I say!)

Need I offer a further reminder that the high-bidder of this fershlugginer auction is awarded the singular gift of being caricatured in a future Raging Pencils comic? Plus you'll receive the artwork itself. Plus I'll perform a vaginal ultrasound on you over the phone, even if you don't have a vagina. (Carl Kassel, eat your heart out.)

The auction ends at 9:30 AM CST, on Monday the 21st of May. What can I say other than the faster you get this thing over with the sooner I can quit begging for your pity and get back to Judge Judy.



Notes, Notes, and More Notes.

History: Six ridiculous lies you believe about the founding of America.

: Republicans have blocked legislation using the filibuster in records amounts since Obama was elected. Turns out, what they've been doing is actually illegal, so Democrats are suing. Good luck, gents!

Sleaze: Propaganda gas-bag Rush Limbaugh was "honored" today in a curiously abrupt, secretive event in the Missouri capitol building.

Science Nerdgasm: Paralyzed man regains use of his hands after surgery was performed to rewire his nerves.

Heresy: Three things that religion does well.

Humor: "I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people." - Sir Isaac Newton


And now our Chart of the Day: U.S. Air Force aircraft identification chart

U.s. airforce aircraft identification chart

Big honkin' version here.


Republican Job Creation Update

republican job creation5-16-2012: The House was not in session on Monday, but on Tuesday the legislators busied themselves passing noncontroversial suspension bills. Ho-hum. No jobs were created, but you already knew that.


Fox News Lies. Dump Fox News

Fox News Lies! Did you know that hundreds of thousands of scientists deny climate change? On Fox News they do, and nowhere else.

Click here to help Drop Fox from your cable system.

end rant

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Today's Google Chow.

Two angels in heaven.

Male angel: Me? Well, let's just say I learned that a Lusty response to a “honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker has an unfortunate range of interpretation.

Overturn Citizens United