May Days

I have two youngsters in my family who are on the cusp of hormonal manhood, which complicates my seasonal gift-giving to them. In the past I just bought them anything that made a lot of noise, which satisfied their feral desires for destruction without anyone actually getting hurt or me getting sued.

This year I'm aiming a little higher. One lad is getting a copy of Art Spiegelman's "Maus". The other, a copy of Robert Crumb's "The Book of Genesis".

Since holiday inscriptions inside books covers are universally despised that's just what I intend to do. In "Maus" I intend to write "If you come away with any dim glow of enlightenment after having read this entire book I hope it's that 'Religion can get you fucking killed'."

Inside Crumb's book will be the comforting words "Remember that this is a book of fiction. Don't feel guilty if you masturbate to depictions of Eve. God knows I did."

And if their mother is reading this, I'm only kidding. (Or am I?)

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What scraps of news now lie afoot on the cutting-room floor? These:

John Roberts wife ropes in $10 million… somehow.
Pornhub blocks all of Utah from its site.
Oath Keeper leader sentenced to 18 for seditious conspiracy.
During Town Hall Trump says he'd pardon J6 rioters.
Four Proud Boys convicted of seditious conspiracy.
Trump sues the New York times and fails.
Foreign countries issue travel warning to U.S., because guns.
Biden announces $11 billion for rural renewable energy.
Florida truckers protest DeSantis' anti-immigrant laws.
Disney pulls $1 billion in development from Florida, because DeSantis.
SC allows Illinois assault weapons ban to stand.
E. Jean Carroll sues Trump again.
Jenny Craig closes its doors.
Biden sends 1500 troops to the border.
Gov. of NC vetoes abortion ban.
Border crossings drop by half thanks to Title 42 expiring.
Montana bans Tik Tok.
Seven states agree to Colorado River.
DeSantis announces prez bid on glitchy Twitter.
Carrie Fisher gets walk of fame star.
"Here comes the Sun" first Beatles song to hit 1 billion streams on Spotify.
Another Indiana Jones movie, starring Harrison Ford's animated corpse.

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I had to drive to the far side of Dallas yesterday to pick up a new computer. It's a rough-and-tumble part of my fair city that I rarely visit, full of pawn shops, faceless industrial buildings and tattoo parlors.

So I was surprised and delighted to see any number of unusually underdressed young women out getting their steps in along the boulevard's sidewalks.

"Well, wouldja look at.... oh.... ohhhhhhhhhhhh."

There were so many whores I thought I was in Washington. (Ba-dum-bump!)

It's actually nice to know that the famous Harry Hines hookers are still in business. They're at least one long-standing feature of my town the city can't demolish and pave over with another multi-billion-dollar sports arena/casino.