Behind the Blue Door

Here's the problem with guns:

They fall into the hands of the wrong people. Namely men, who are known to be violent and emotional. And oftentimes just plain bread-brained.

So how about we allow only women to own and use guns?

Hear me out.

If we can dictate you have to be 18 years or older to purchase a gun, for reasons we all understand are related to physical and emotional maturity, then we can limit access to women only.

Ask yourself: How many women have shot up a theater, a grocery store or a school?

None.

How many women need to increase their social status by using a gun to metaphorically increase the size of their penises?

None.

How many women would waste $2000 on a machine of war that their kids might find stashed under the mattress when they can spend it on food or rent or clothes?

None. (Well, some, actually. No accounting for tastes.)

And how many women would not think twice to charge into a school and blow the brains out of any twerp who tried to harm their children?

All of them. Instantly. No exception.

As for putting food on the table, women are every bit as good a marksmen as men. It's no big secret. You aim, you pull the trigger and it's Bambi on the barbie.

Women understand the sanctity of life, as they are the fount of all humankind, so most would be loathe to even own a gun, quickly reducing its street availability.

I know this is just tongue-in-cheek wistfulness but, no joke, a policy like this would have profound ripple effects on livability in the country and a sharp decrease in worrying if the next guy is packing heat.

At the very least it'd keep those dorky assholes from parading around Target with their AR-Fuck You's bouncing off their voluminous back-fat.

=Lefty=