I'm Top of the Food Chain, Ma!

Typical human's day:

"Bye, honey. I'm taking the car to get it filled before we make the long drive down to visit your mom at the state pen. I hope I don't get caught in cross-town traffic again.

Then I'll stop by the dry cleaners and pick up your collection of My Little Pony sweatbands and your cashmere snood. Afterwards I'll hit Piggly Wiggly and see if any of those barbecued condor-anus-on-a-stick are still on sale. With my luck that jerk Jerry will be there grabbing all the biggest ones and, if he is, I'm gonna pop him right in the schnozz! Those are MY assholes!

Oh, yeah, and it's Timmy's birthday next week. Should I stop at Toy Dumpster and get him that simulated leather 3D model of the Branch Davidian massacre? Yeah, you're right. Money's kind of tight right now so maybe we should stick with the do-it-yourself appendix surgery kit.

I'll be taking the trash out to the bin with me. Boy! How is it we always manage to fill that thing so quickly? Maybe we ought to recycle more aggressively but who has the time? Ah, what the heck! Maybe I'll start next week but, for now, what's one more big bag of foam take-out containers?


Typical cow's day: Think I'll eat some grass, again.

(I hope I'm not being too subtle but I think this planet, and mankind in general, would have been much better off if we'd evolved from something more cow-like than the killer chimps that we are.

And if you think it's man's destiny to reach the stars I've got a government report on rising CO2 levels that I'd like to sell you.)

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I tried long and hard to find a semi-rational reason why God would flood an entire planet. All I found was that he thought that mankind was, well, you know, kinda icky. Humans, the very creatures God crafted with his own two little hands and the occasional puff of breath, were all evil and deserved to die... except for that nice family right down the street.

So, yeah, if I need deep spiritual guidance I'm not going to elicit it from some rancorous sociopath like that. And I'm certainly not going to trust him in the ballot-box with me. He's all hands.

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One last, self-serving thing.

Lat year I lucked upon a cell phone provider called Tello. Their rates are dirt-cheap and the service is rock-solid. I've told all my friends about them and several happily made the switch. So if you'd like to save some serious dough please check them out. If you use this link and sign up we'll both get a $10 bonus. Thanks!

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Final Edit News: After persistent self-doubt I added the "You mean THIS god" text box and altered Yahweh's exasperated solution just to make the "punchline" a mite less obtuse.

=Lefty=