The Loons? Can You Hear the Loons?

It was revealed recently that there exists five other takes of Big Chief Crazypants' address to the insurrectionists on January 6th, the video in which he told them they were "very special" and that he "loved them". Only the sixth version was deemed satisfactorily within the bounds of sanity to release to the public.

So I wonder what the other five takes were like. Hmmm. I wonder... I wonder (screen begins to shimmer and crossfade into a scene in the Oval Office. Trump emotes before the camera, pants bulging suspiciously.)

Take One: "Goddammit! Godammit! Goddammit! Goddammit! Fucking Pence! Fucking Pelosi! Fucking no good goddamn insurrectionists!"

Take Two: "I don't wanna do this. Reading is harrrrrd. I'm tie-errrrrd. I want a Diet Coke. Does this jacket make me look fat? I wore this jacket when I went to North Korea. Kim Jong-il said it made me look like Ronald Reagan. Ooh, look! Squirrels! Where's my goddamn Coke?"

Take Three: "I know you're all sorry you didn't get Mike Pence but not as sorry as I am. You can try again in four years. Until then, send me money. Lots of money. Daddy needs money."

Take Four: "Everyone calm down. You did your best. So let's all just.... CUT! CUT! CUT!. I just crapped myself again. Can someone get me... are we still rolling? Turn it off. TURN IT OFF!"

Take Five: "Some people say I can pardon anyone I want no matter what kind of violence they commit on my behalf. I don't recommend you burning down the Capitol or anything but, you know... pardons. Though you didn't hear it from me. Whaddaya MEAN we need one more?"

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Hermann Goring didn't cry on the stand. He had the decency to shoot off himself for his crimes.



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Umberto Eco laid out the 14 common features of fascism, all of which are already in progress in this country.

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A 46-year-old San Francisco police officer decided he'd rather take a leave of absence from the force than get the covid-19 vaccine.

He died of covid-19 this week.

How dumb do you have to be?

How fucking dumb do you have to be?

=Lefty=