The
Crime Reaper
Mitch
McConnell: "That
danged old 'coon
we run
out'n
the
White House didn't
leave us no gold-durn
instructions on how
to fight this Chinese
virus, even though
there t'weren't never
no virus to begin
with!"
Media: "WHAT! THE!
FUCK?"
Mitch:
"Oh, uh, what I meant
to say was.... Oops!
I'm sorry. I'm just
a
big old bucket
of silly beans. Of
COURSE Mr. Obama
left us complete
instructions. I presumed
I was using a frequency
that only Fox News
listeners could hear.
Please return to
your dying in droves
or whatever it is
you little people
do."
------------
I
just got an extortion
letter in the mail.
It basically said "Here's
$1200 dollars. If
you're quiet and
don't mention the
83,000 people I've
killed so far there's
more where this came
from."
It said it was from
someone claiming
to be the president
but the signature
looked
like someone was
being boned in the
asterisk by a wart
hog as they held
a China marker in
their covfefe.
----------
Hackers have stolen
a prominent law firm's
files and are demanding
a $42 million dollar
ransom or they'll
release the data
to the public.
42 is an odd number.
Until you know it's
the ASCII code for
the asterisk.
"
*"
Writer Kurt Vonnegut
famously redefined
the asterisk to mean "asshole".
So, yeah, the hacker's
are subtly showing
the lawyer their
ass.
Probably.
------------
The U.S. Pandemic Preparedness story:
1998, Bill Clinton: "Ohh, crap! I just read a book that
said there's a pandemic a'comin'. Let's get on it!"
2001, George Bush: "Ehhh, what does Clinton know?"
2005, George Bush: "Ohhh, crap! I just read a book that
says there's a pandemic a'comin'. Let's get on it!"
2009-2016, Barack Obama: "Ohhh, crap! Worldwide recession!
H1N1! Zika! Ebola! Can a brothah get a little help?"
2009-2016, GOP: "Did you hear anything? I didn't hear
anything."
2016, Donald Trump: "I just read 'Mein Kampf'. Let's
get on it."
----------
They say the coronavirus attacks the old and the obese, so
I'm not worried about the average NFL player.... I'm worried
about the coaches.
For example, unless he wears a hazmat suit for five months,
Cowboys' coach Mike McCarthy is a goner.
=Lefty=
|
