Falling
Down
Libraries
are going to have to add a "Political Fiction" section
to the Dewey Decimal System to handle the books written
by the well-funded conservative propaganda machine
about t-Rump's presidency* after he's blessedly gone.
They should have already created such a section after
Dubya but I guess they made do with the Humor section.
-----------
t-Rump: "The U.S. military stands ready to wage
war on behalf of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia."
Media: "Why should we protect them?"
t-Rump: "They pay cash."
Saudi Arabia: The country whose citizens attacked the
U.S. on 9-11. The country that's in the process of
sterilizing Yemen. The country that sliced a U.S. resident
into cold-cuts.
Is it any surprise that our military is considered
by t-Rump as something no less disposable than the
immigrants he secretly hires at his hotels?
-----------
Scene: Somewhere in Florida. December, 2000.
Floridians: Oh, noes! We can't seem to decide who won
the presidential election. Whatever shall we…?
<
Crack of thunder>
SCOTUS: Stand back! WE shall take care of this!
Floridians: Oh, man! It's the SCOTUS! <distant sound
of horses whinnying in terror> What are you guys
doin' here?
SCOTUS: Fear not, good people! For we, the SCOTUS <horse
whinny> have come this day to relieve you poor,
shoeless, math-challenged common folk of the burden
of selecting our next president.
Floridians: That's nice of you to offer but vote-counting
is a states' right. It's our job, not yours.
SCOTUS: Well, uh, ahem, yeah, that's true. But it's
just this once, okay? We're not gonna abuse our judicial
power like this ever again. (sotto voce) At least not
until we get rid of Kennedy and then LOOK OUT, baby!
Floridians: Say what?
SCOTUS: Oh, nothing. Nothing. Now, show us your vote
tallies and bring us the gall bladder of a freshly
sacrificed alpaca.
<
several cheap visual effects later>
SCOTUS: We have made our decision!
Floridians: Ooh! Is it the career politician, the one
who wants to keep taxing the rich to pay down the deficit,
who supports the Kyoto Protocols, and the one who's
been at the current President's side during the longest
economic expansion in U.S. history?
SCOTUS: Well…..
Flordians: .... Seriously, dude?
SCOTUS: Now calm down. We have, in our infinite wisdom,
chosen the simple-minded goob without any federal governmental
experience, the one whose testicles are kept in a safe
owned by Shell Oil, the one whose father ran the CIA,
and into whose anus the hand of Dick Cheney will fit
most comfortably.
Floridians: Bush? Really? You sure you don't wanna
give those goat guts another look?
SCOTUS: Did we mention that his wife once killed a
guy? It was pret-ty cooooooool.
Floridians: All right, fine. I mean, how bad can it
be?
SCOTUS: Oh, gee, would you look at the time. If you
ever get to DC be sure and look us up. Don't take any
wooden opioids. Ciao!
Floridians: So long.
SCOTUS: Oh, one more thing.
Floridians: Yes?
SCOTUS: SCOTUS!
<horse whinnies in terror>
=Lefty=
|
