Fred's
Dead.
This is the story of Fred.
Many years ago, while Fred was floating unconcerned
in his womb, dreaming of wonders to come, his mother
was drinking and smoking and partaking of rather more
doses of thalidomide
than was really wise. So when Fred
entered this world he came equipped with
a raging case of fetal
alcohol syndrome and only stubby widgets for arms.
As he grew he contracted measles, which left him
blind,
and polio, which restricted him to an iron lung for
most of his young life. A later bout with scarlet fever
left him deaf. When his lungs began to fail he was
intubated which left him unable to speak. By the time
he was in his teens the only sense he retained was
his sense of smell, which was rather unfortunate as
he suffered continual bouts of explosive diarrhea.
Did I mention the iron lung?
On the day of his 21st birthday, an occasion of which
he was totally unaware, the house he lived in caught
fire,
burnt
to a cinder, and collapsed into an ashy heap. As the
last ember died, fading to a cold ebony, a meteor
the size of a Studebaker Lark struck the smoking
remains of the house and scattered
Fred's ashes for miles in all directions.
For once in his life Fred caught a break as he didn't
even know he had died. All he knew was that suddenly
he
awoke
in
Heaven
with
a
strong
and
beautiful new body. He even had a pair
of
wings
that
allowed him to flit from wispy cirrus to puffy cumulo-nimbus.
By day he frollicked with his friends and by night
sat at God's right hand and played polka music on his
harp and was happy
for all eternity.
And this is exactly why everyone who labours under
the primitive delusion of western religions should
sign
an organ
donor card. No one honestly believes they live forever
in Heaven with the
body
in which they died.
I mean... ewww.
So quit think you have to be buried with all your original
bits and share God's gift, or at least the healthy
remaining parts,
with
those
left
behind
who
can best
use them. I can promise God isn't going to be pissed
that
you
left your fucking corneas or kidneys behind. He just
wants
your souls. (And I sorely wish we could transplant
THOSE, too, as there are a lot of conservatives that
desperately need a new one.)
As for us atheists, we all know we're worm-food anyway
so most of us have already consigned away our remains
to anyone that wants them.
Right?
=Lefty=
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