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Mr. Know-It-All

electric carAs you might already know it can take up to eleven years to become a doctor, seven years to become a physicist, or four years to become a geologist. If that seems tedious and time-consuming, not to mention expensive, please know that you can easily acquire all known knowledge in a literal trice by simply reciting these three little words:

"I'm a Christian."

Yes, by joining this cult of ignorance you become an instant expert on any subject and can gainsay any fact-based argument just by saying it's not in the Bible. This works especially well if this Bronze Age tome doesn't specifically mention the subject in question, like video games or assault rifles or double-ended dildos. Just claim that God's got your back, because you're so devout and all, and you can never lose. Plus, if you need further persuasive firepower just invent passages out of whole cloth and tack god's name to it, like, for instance, "God helps those who help themselves."

Hundreds of years ago good Christians had the option of outright killing anyone who disagreed with their interpretation of scripture though the West currently disapproves of such misbehavior. Nowadays those of a righteous demeanor must travel to enlightened places like Saudi Arabia and convert to Islam in order to legally silence a heretic the old fashioned way, although fundamentalists with a taste for blood can still have a delightful time tormenting, even murdering, homosexuals in Uganda because, you know, Jesus said nothing about homosexuals, so therefore they must die.

Good old Jesus.


end rant

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Would you trust this guy?
My parents are doctors so I'm a doctor, too. No, I've never been to medical school but I'm sure I could transplant your kidney.

Then why would you trust this guy?
My parents are Christians so I'm a Christian, too. I have no special knowledge of the bible but I know what god wants you to do with your life.

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