The Complete Slob's Guide To Cat Ownership, Part 7: Excreta

My home city of Dallas is considering banning plastic shopping bags, which would be just dandy with me since I gave up using the flimsy blighters years ago. Although most people will find the shift to reusable bags easier than they think I'm pretty sure that the most vocal complaints will come from the cat-loving demographic. After all, without plastic bags what will people use to dispose of Mrs. Fluffernutter's poops and pees?

For those who have yet to teach their cats to use the toilet, and it can be done, I'm here to tell you how I handle the problem.

First, simply toss the turds in the nearest toilet. You'll notice that some of them tend to float, possibly due to high levels of fur content, which means that men will have the satisfying option of playing "Sink the Battleship" before flushing. Strafe away, lads.

As for the wet stuff, go buy one of those big boxes of clumpable litter, the 25 pound-and-up size, in which the litter is kept dry in a big plastic bag. Once you've emptied this first box fold the inner bag down around the sides and fashion a fairly tight-fitting lid for the top. I used part of a slightly larger box. Done correctly very little odor should leak out.

Use this box to store the litter until it's full, occasionally lifting and dropping the box to compact the litter. When there's no more room in the box simply tie off the top of the bag and discard both it and its contents. Keep the box if you don't have another ready to use and re-line it with a standard 13-gallon garbage bag.

That's how Lefty does it. If you'd like to share any ideas of your own, please pass them along.

------------

Note: Yes, you're not crazy. I modified the original cartoon somewhat. (For the uninitiated, I do this sort of thing occasionally.) On reflection, it wasn't clear that the enmity visualized in the original top group of word balloons was internecine religious verbal abuse rather than general rhetorical assault.

I also think this version more effectively lays bare my view that we are, for the most part, a hopeless race of barbarians and that religion is just another way to effectively hate your neighboring countries... or neighbors.

=Lefty=