Creation
For Dummies.
In the
beginning, between 9 and 15 billion years ago, God
said "Fill the dark void of empty space with trillions
of moons, stars and planets", all of which sprang
from the infinitely hot denseness of the holy singularity.
And
it was good.
And God said "Let there be the electromagnetic spectrum",
and there was the electromagnetic spectrum, and it was
good.
And on these planets God planted the seed of evolution.
And on the first metaphorical day there arose prokaryotes,
and it was good.
And on the second metaphorical day God said "Let us
fill the oceans with life." And Evolution said "It is
done."
And on the third metaphorical day God said "Let the land
produce vegetation." And Evolution was all over that
shit. And
it was good.
And on the fourth metaphorical day God said, “Let the land produce living
creatures according to their kinds", and the denizens of the oceans
rose to inhabit the land, adapting their form to suit their
environment.
And on the fifth metaphorical day a huge asteroid
hit the Earth and destroyed almost all terrestrial life
and
God said
"Aww,
fuck!"
and went back to step four.
And after the Earth repopulated itself with animals that weren't
giant carnivorous dinosaurs God said, “Let
us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the
fish
in the
sea
and the
birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild
animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
And so the rats slowly evolved into hominids, and
they multiplied, and waged war, and poisoned the Earth,
and drove the other animals into extinction, and made
plans to visit and populate the other planets."
And God said "Where's an asteroid when you need one?"
=Lefty=
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