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Creation For Dummies.

bible fictionIn the beginning, between 9 and 15 billion years ago,
God said "Fill the dark void of empty space with trillions of moons, stars and planets", all of which sprang from the infinitely hot denseness of the holy singularity. And it was good.

And God said "Let there be the electromagnetic spectrum", and there was the electromagnetic spectrum, and it was good.

And on these planets God planted the seed of evolution. And on the first metaphorical day there arose prokaryotes, and it was good.

And on the second metaphorical day God said "Let  us fill the oceans with life." And Evolution said "It is done."

And on the third metaphorical day God said "Let the land produce vegetation." And Evolution was all over that shit. And it was good.

And on the fourth metaphorical day God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds", and the denizens of the oceans rose to inhabit the land, adapting their form to suit their environment.

And on the fifth metaphorical day a huge asteroid hit the Earth and destroyed almost all terrestrial life and God said "Aww, fuck!" and went back to step four.

And after the Earth repopulated itself with animals that weren't giant carnivorous dinosaurs God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

And so the rats slowly evolved into hominids, and they multiplied, and waged war, and poisoned the Earth, and drove the other animals into extinction, and made plans to visit and populate the other planets."

And God said "Where's an asteroid when you need one?"


end rant


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Dark Humor
Let there be light.
Hope that doesn't void the warranty.
Wait. Who am I talking to?
Let there be electromagnetic spectrum?
You didn't say Simon Says!
If an omnipotent being created light in a cosmic void bereft of photoreceptors, would anyone see it?
Thank you! I'll be here all week. Tip your waitresses.
Hey, Fred! Watch this?
What do you think?

Overturn Citizens United