Raging Pencils logo

Classic Raging Crappola
Satan's choice.
Decisions, decisions.

Free comics every Monday, Wednesday & Friday!
pump high heel pregnant
Support progressive comics
Living a rock star's death.
<- Let There Be Dark Mayday Superman ->

Control-click or right-click to bookmark
Raging Pencils

Looking for a specific Rage comic and/or Rant and can't find it?

start rant

Dying The Dream

creative suicideYou're all going to die. Every last one of you sick little monkeys. So what better time than the present to start thinking about the most memorable way to slip off the raft than right now? I'm not, of course, referring to actual suicide though, you know, it's your body. Go nuts. Especially if you voted for Romney.

No, I mean those inevitable moments when you realize that the final gun has sounded for quality of life and its time to either suffer endlessly until the lights go out or take matters in your own hands and try your darnedest to make your demise front page worthy.

Note for Xtian sticklers: Don't worry about being sent to the fiery place below if you hasten your demise through the use of creative means. When you're ninety and God gives you cancer it's a free pass to test the locks on the emergency exits on your next flight to Boca Raton.

It goes without saying that the trick to the perfect death is combining speed with entertainment value. Essentially, die quick but leave 'em reaching for the inhaler from either joy or astonishment.

For example, leaping into the tiger pit at the zoo would hardly elicit a yawn from the Features editor, but wire yourself with a chunk of C4 that goes FOOM! at the first touch of feline saliva and you're suddenly page 3A, baby! Extra points if you time the event to take place before a group of first graders.

Or perhaps buy a ride to the International Space Station, attach a 230 mile rope to your neck, and jump out the pod bay door. While the world waits several days for the rope to go taut take the opportunity to air your grievances, at least until your air runs out.

All I'm saying is, don't die with dignity. Chances are low you'll ever make the history books and the cemeteries are already loaded with chumps who went quietly. At least give your relatives something to talk about at Thanksgiving for the next few ensuing years... especially if you kick the Big Bucket on Thanksgiving.

Whatever you do, don't nail yourself to a cross. It's been done to death.


end rant


Oregon's Death With Dignity - Deaths By Year.
oregon's death with dignity chart
Click image for modestly larger version.

(To spare you right-wingnuttery all comments are moderated.)
HTML Comment Box is loading comments...


If you enjoy Raging Pencils, might I also recommend:
born again pagan
the infinite cat project

Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
DailykosCrooks and LiarsThink ProgressTalking Points Memo

Google Chow (Avert your eyes, chump!)

The doctors say my condition is terminal, but that I could live a bit longer if they open my guts, feed me through a tube, anchor me to machines. No. I think I'd rather handle it my way. (pill bottles). Some people think you go to Hell for what I'm planning but I'm too old for that nonsense. I just want my kids to remember their old man going out like a rock star.

Overturn Citizens United