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Saving Christmas

zombie XmasYes, the Texas House and Senate just approved a bill that saved Christmas. It's called "The Merry Christmas" bill, so that people wouldn't confuse it with the "Screw the Poor" kind of bill and the "Screw the Brown People" kind of bill that usually flows out of Austin. It allows educators to finally get down to the serious business of drilling pointless religious customs into the heads of future consumers.

Why Texas congressmen thought this bill was necessary is a mystery, though it's said the sponsor of the legislation, Dwayne Bohac, was said to have been incensed when his son told him that they had decorated a "holiday tree" at school. As we all know <eye roll> Christmas Trees have always been called "Christmas Trees", even by the dinosaurs on the Ark.

Now all that's left is for the Governor Flop-Sweat to sign it and make Texas public schools safe again for visits by bums in Santa suits.


When I first caught wind of the Merry Christimas bill the first idea which came to my sordid little mind was to start a religion whose central motif was the male reproductive organ. Three seconds of Googling later revealed the Hindus were WAY ahead of me. Thanks, guys and gals!

Now all I have to do is sire a son, indoctrinate him into my world of smart-assery, and begin raising hell at my local Oliver L. North Elementary school.


end rant


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Okay, class, because of a new law we will once again celebrate traditional christmastime symbolism in our Texas schools.
Okay, class, as the result of a new law traditional christmastime symbolism is being returned to our Texas public schools.
What about Hinduism?
By law we have to allow symbols of heathen religions, too.
Great! I'll bring my lingam for everyone to share!
What? You can't bring a statue of Shiva's penis to school!
It's no worse than displaying a Roman torture device.
Why is there never an armed psychopath when you really need one?
Tell you what, I'll leave the yoni at home. It's naaasty.

Overturn Citizens United