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Killed To Dress

god's intercomBzzzzzzz!

"Miss Wilkins? Could you ask the Hendersons to come into my office, please?"

"Right away, Sir!"

"Ah! Frank! Janice! Nice to see you. Those horns look better every time I see them. I'm glad they're in the center of your forehead instead of on your behinds."

"Our... behinds, Sir?"

"Yeah, engineering had a bug up its butt about aerodynamics and thought the head-mounted horn would impede your laminar airflow but I told them to stick it where the sun don't shine. And I know about sunless environments, believe you me."

"Ain't that the truth, Sir! So, uh, what would you like to see us about?"

"Well, to get right down to brass tacks the two kids, Adam and Eve, you know them, they live down by The Tree, are having a sort of going-away party tomorrow and I need both of your skins in order to make some clothing for them as a parting gift."

"Huh? You mean, you want to put our skin over their skin? Don't they already have skin? Last time I checked they met all the skin requirements that I'm aware of. Besides, don't we sort of, you know, need our skin to keep out guts from flopping around and all?"

"Yes, I know this seems all strange and new but, trust me, it's for the best. So if you'll just go down to Human Resources and sign a few forms we'll get this old ball rolling."

"So that's how it is, huh? We've been with this company since the very beginning and now you're just gonna throw us to the wolves without a by your leave? Well, you're gonna have to do better than that, pal! I know my rights! What about my benefits? What happens to my pension? Answer me that, big man!"


"That's right! Sic your goons on me! Well, you'll be hearing from my lawyer! I will take this world and everything on it before I'm done! You just wait!"

"Okay, pal. Calm down. Calm down. Just follow me downstairs to the nice offices and we'll sign some nice papers and everything will be nice again. Okay?"

"Fine. C'mon, Janice. Let's get out of this two-bit paradise before someone sucks our eyeballs out, too."



"Wilkins! Are they gone?"

"Yes, sir. I'll let you know when they arrive at processing."

"Fine. Anything else on the agenda for today?"

"Yes, sir. R&D needs your okay on these plumbing designs for the emergency flooding system, and marketing has a new rainbow prototype they're anxious for you to approve."

"Excellent. Just let me hit the old can and I'll be with them shortly."

"Excellent, Sir, but, before you go, I've been handed a memo. It appears that the unicorns have eaten of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, are aware of their nakedness, and are now demanding skins of their own. What should I tell them?"

"Tell them 'Touche', Miss Wilkins. Touche', indeed."


end rant

Today's Chart of the Day: The Population of the USA if Distributed in Units of Canada:

the USA if measured in Canadas.

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Today's Google Chow.

Adam and Eve wearing unicorn skins.

Eve: Adam. These are the Hendersons.
Adam: I know... I know.

Overturn Citizens United