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Read Any Good Money Lately?

defacing the momeyNear as I can gather the U.S. began printing "In God We Trust" on our money back in '57 as a way of scaring the bejeebers outta them pesky Commies. It must have taught them a valuable lesson because now we get all of our finest consumer goods from them. And I'm certain that the eleventy-trillion dollars the U.S. spent on ordnance since the 50s had nothing to do with the crumbling of the Berlin Wall.

Nothing at all.

Mentions of god on our money clearly violates the Constitutional separation of church and state, but the courts have side-stepped the issue by saying it's not about a particular "god" <wink-wink>, it's about god in general.

Oh yeah? Try telling our soldiers in Afghanistan that the dollars we pay them in all make specific reference to Allah.

Regardless, the space wasted on our money could be put to much better use. Consider these replacement phrases:

• Floss Daily

• Call Your Mother

• Make Love, Not War

• All Hail The Mighty Hypno-Toad

In fact, to make our money more fun, why not give each dollar its own, individual, fortune-cookie message?

• You will meet a tall, dark stranger.

• The IRS is watching your Paypal account.

• This bill is contaminated with residual cocaine.

• You will receive an infection from a beautiful woman.

• You will be hungry soon. Order pizza now.

• You, too, can have a longer penis. Ask me how.

Other countries are more sensible than the U.S. when it comes to their money. Not only do they eschew any mention of god but they actually feature men and women of science on their currency. In England they put Charles Darwin and Lord Kelvin on their pounds. In Denmark its Niels Bohr, in Switzerland its Leonhard Euler, and in Germany it's Friedrich Gauss. Norway's money features Kristian Birkeland, and Serbia has Nikolas Tesla. That's fun money.

As for god himself, you have to wonder how dumb you have to be to print his name on your money when the Ten Commandments are about coveting and using his name is vain. Oy, gevalt!

Be all that as it may, when I'm most peeved by this abuse of reason I take some small measure of pleasure from the fact that George Washington, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and James Monroe, men who grace our coinage and billage were, themselves, deists. (Look up deism and laugh.)


end rant

Oh, that Mitt.

big fat liarHere is part of Mitt Romney's standard stump speech:

"Never before in American history has its president gone before so many foreign audiences to apologize for so many American misdeeds, both real and imagined. It is his way of signaling to foreign countries and foreign leaders that their dislike for America is something he understands and that is, at least in part, understandable."

Not one single word of that is true. He might as well said that President Obama crushes the testicles of young boys... even though that was President Bush's hobby.

Romney lies so much because he knows that if you lie often enough it becomes accepted as truth. But here's the real truth: Mitt Romney's a lying, corporate toad.

One more fun fact: Individual Retirement Accounts can only be funded by as much as $6000 per year. So why is Mitt Romney's IRA worth a staggering $100 million dollars? (Hint: If you're rich, fuck the rules.)

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And now our Chart of the Day: Religious Percentile of World Religions (Note: This chart is, in fact, in error. Atheism is not a religion.)

percentage of world religions chart

Somewhat larger version of chart to be found here.

Republican Job Creation Update

republican job creation7-9-2012: The House is adjourned until the 9th of July. No jobs are being created.

For the full 2001-2012 list of Republican sloth please visit republicanjobcreation.com.


Fox News Lies. Dump Fox News

Fox News Lies! Would Fox News totally misrepresent the rate of manufacturing employment in the U.S.? Why yes, yes they would.

Click here to help Drop Fox from your cable system.

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Robot Soccer. 100% Autonomous. Fascinating and hilarious.

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Today's Google Chow.

"The U.S. started printing it on our money back in 1957, as a way of drawing a solid distinction between Western Capitalism and Communism."

"Ohhhh, so THAT'S why it says "Screw you, we have color TVs!"

Overturn Citizens United