Read
Any Good Money Lately?
 Near
as I can gather the U.S. began printing "In God
We Trust" on our money back in '57 as a way of
scaring the bejeebers outta them pesky Commies. It
must have
taught
them a valuable lesson because
now we get all of our finest consumer goods from them.
And I'm certain that the eleventy-trillion dollars
the U.S. spent
on ordnance since the 50s had
nothing to do with the crumbling of the Berlin Wall.
Nothing at all.
Mentions of god on our money clearly violates the Constitutional
separation of church and state, but the courts have
side-stepped the issue by saying it's not
about a particular "god" <wink-wink>,
it's about god in general.
Oh yeah? Try telling
our soldiers
in
Afghanistan
that
the
dollars
we
pay
them in all make specific reference to Allah.
Regardless, the space
wasted on our money could be put to much better use.
Consider these replacement
phrases:
• Floss Daily
• Call Your Mother
• Make Love, Not War
• All Hail The Mighty Hypno-Toad
In fact, to make our money more fun, why not give each
dollar its own, individual, fortune-cookie message?
• You will meet a tall, dark stranger.
• The IRS is watching your Paypal account.
• This bill is contaminated with residual cocaine.
•
You will receive an infection from a beautiful woman.
•
You will be hungry soon. Order pizza now.
• You, too, can have a longer penis. Ask me how.
Other countries are more sensible than the U.S. when
it comes to their money. Not only do they eschew any
mention
of god but they actually feature men and women of
science
on their currency. In England they put Charles Darwin
and Lord Kelvin on their pounds.
In Denmark
its
Niels
Bohr,
in
Switzerland
its
Leonhard
Euler,
and in Germany it's Friedrich Gauss. Norway's money
features Kristian Birkeland, and Serbia has Nikolas
Tesla. That's fun money.
As for god himself, you have to wonder how dumb
you have to be to print his name on your money when
the Ten Commandments are about coveting and using
his name is vain. Oy, gevalt!
Be all that as it may, when I'm most peeved by this
abuse of reason I take some small measure
of pleasure
from the fact that
George
Washington, Ben
Franklin,
Thomas
Jefferson,
James Madison
and James
Monroe, men who grace our coinage and billage were,
themselves, deists. (Look up deism and
laugh.)
=Lefty=
Oh, that Mitt.
 Here
is part of Mitt Romney's standard stump speech:
"Never before in American history has its president
gone before so many foreign audiences to apologize for so
many American misdeeds, both real and imagined. It is his
way of signaling to foreign countries and foreign leaders
that their dislike for America is something he understands
and that is, at least in part, understandable."
Not one single word of that is true. He might as well said
that President Obama crushes
the testicles of young boys... even
though that was President Bush's hobby.
Romney lies so much because he knows that if you lie often
enough it becomes accepted as truth. But here's the real
truth: Mitt Romney's a lying, corporate toad.
One more fun fact: Individual Retirement Accounts can
only be funded by as much as $6000 per year. So why is Mitt
Romney's IRA worth a staggering
$100 million dollars? (Hint: If you're rich, fuck the rules.)
---------------------
And
now our Chart of the Day:
Religious
Percentile of World Religions (Note:
This chart is, in fact, in error. Atheism is not a religion.)
Somewhat
larger
version of chart to be found here.
------------
Republican Job Creation Update
 7-9-2012: The
House is adjourned until the 9th of July. No jobs
are being created.
For the full 2001-2012 list of Republican sloth
please visit republicanjobcreation.com.
------------
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