Get Him To The Geek

I recently had a long discussion with a neighbor about what's wrong with America. One of my arguments was that we acquire way too much useless consumer junk and are, in addition, spoiled by the conveniences available at our fingertips.

The next day, right about noon, my internet connection died, taking with it my home phone.

The Irony Gods had struck again.

Actually, it was my new AT&T U-Verse modem that had mysteriously lapsed into a catatonic trance, insistently blinking red any light that should be a happy green.

Two AT&T service agents were dispatched, neither of which did goddamn diddly to fix the problem. The second guy, I learned later, didn't even bother to report his results back to the home office.

So it's now thirty hours later and I have no phone, besides my cell phone, and no internet. I'm evidently not going to get to see Beloved Girlfriend tonight and the emergency burrito I had for dinner isn't sitting well. In addition, I'm running out of unpleasant things to call the AT&T phone techs, who earnestly vow that help is on the way.

At precisely eight o'clock on Friday evening my doorbell rings. Standing on the front porch is an oddly disreptuable individual. While the previous techs had been dressed rather dapperly this fellow's jeans puddled around his ankles like ripples in a stock pond, and his face was obscured by a combination of ill-cut hair, large black-rimmed glasses and enough bad skin to float several dermatologist's boats.

Without any introduction he asks where the modem is and I lead him to the victim. He disappears under the desk for about thirty seconds before saying he knows what the problem is and he'll be back in 30 minutes. No small talk, no commiserating, no hand-patting, just up and gone.

Exactly thirty minute later he returns, plops down in my spare office chair, effects a huge goofy grin and says, "It's fixed. Someone switched your connection with someone else's service at the main junction box."

I then checked and, yes, everything was back to normal. That's when I realized that AT&T had sent me The Geek. Evidently AT&T withholds The Geek as a last resort, hoping against hope that his less-evolved workmates will miraculously stumble onto a solution. But circumstances sometimes go irretrievably wrong and then, and only then, do they allocate this valuable resource. Who cares if he doesn't know how to look you in the eye, just as long as he knows what he's doing.

I never got his name as he quickly disappeared into the warm summer air but I thank my lucky stars there are Geeks in this world.

=Lefty=