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Of Thanksgiving Past

flaming turkeyAnd by that I mean yesterday's Thanksgiving.

As I was sitting around the dinner table waiting for everyone to quit talking about their damn kids so I could interject something pithy about the electoral college it occurred to me that switching virtually every oven in America on "High" for four or more hours in an attempt to render the meat of a deviantly mutated bird relatively harmless would inevitably require vast amounts of heat in order to do the job properly. This heat, along with a hefty dollop of CO2 and carbon created as a result, would drift into the atmosphere and eventually contribute to climate change.

Ain't that a bitch?

I guess the saving grace for this mini-conflagration is that each cook didn't toss their turkeys over the intake manifolds of their SUVs and race pointlessly around for several days until the poor creature reached the peak of gustatory perfection.

I also had one other, slightly less cheeky, inspiration about Thanksgiving leftovers... trade them with the neighbors. Seriously. Offer some stuffing for stuffing, vegetables for vegetables, pie for pie. It would be fun and you'd get a taste of what your neighbors call home cooking without actually having to sit at their table, waiting for your chance to bitch about the electoral college.


Thanksgiving etiquette. A little late, perhaps, but this will certainly come in handy around Festivus.


Uncle Lefty's Saturnalian Shopping Tips

It's Black Friday and here you are, all safe and sound and snug as a bug in George Clooney's ear. Time to stretch those fingers and begin your online shopping, and here's a little something to get you started.

Presto Pizzazz Pizza OvenPresto Pizzazz Pizza Oven

I was all prepared to ridicule what was obviously just another piece of useless kitchen counter clutter but then I read the reviews and HOLY FUCKBALLS, MAN! people like this stupid thing! I mean really REALLY like it. It actually, you know, works which is weird for a novelty consumer item. If I was living in a dorm room or a van down by the river I'd certainly consider shoplifting one of these.


end rant

Republican Job Creation Update

republican job creationFor those interested in such things (That's YOU!), I've updated the (non)Job Creation website to prepare it for the coming four years of conservative indolence. For the full list of Republican sloth please visit republicanjobcreation.com.

(To spare you right-wing nincompoopery all comments are moderated.)
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Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
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Today's Google Chow.

Me: Hi, everybody! I had an odd concept for today's cartoon.

Me, again: It occurred to me that cooking 45 million turkeys on one day would, as a result, raise the temperature of the atmosphere.

Yes, me: The punchline was "gobble warming". But it sounded dumb, so I didn't draw it.

Me, goddamit!: Happy shopping, everyone!

Overturn Citizens United