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Hiss and Hers

Satan's GenesisWhenever some pious parasite gets militantly in my face about my lack of faith in the holy Bibble I always respond "Good, let's talk about Genesis."

This is because there is hardly a printed line in the whole of Genesis that isn't a big, fat wad of unsupportable contradiction, with a side order of WTF. It's bad enough that people accept this lampoonable nonsense without scrutiny but the worst part is it's clear they haven't even read it.

For instance, take the part where the serpent convinces Eve to eat of the Fruit of Knowledge. We all "know" that it's Satan in serpent's clothing, doing his usual schtick, but Genesis never says that. The serpent is only referred to as "the most cunning of God's beasts" not as "Satan disguised as a serpent." Of course, after God discovers that Eve has raided his Heavenly Pantry He summarily rips the legs and arms off every serpent on Earth as punishment.

Yeah, doesn't sound fair to me, either. I mean, God intentionally created the serpent to be a meddling dick. Why punish the slick-talking bastard for following his programming?

So how does Satan figure into all this? Glad you asked.

Lonnng after Genesis was written, hundreds of years later, Revelations appears. In it Satan is described as a serpenty-kinda-dragon. "Ah-HA!" said the Biblical scholars, "That means that the serpent in Genesis had to have been Satan himself."


Yes, the Bible retcons Satan.

Genesis never mentions Satan. In fact, Genesis goes into some detail about how everything was void and then, Tah-Dah!, Earth and all its inhabitants appear. There's nothing about God's favorite angel. Nada. Zip. Nothing.

Clearly the Bibble's snake story is just another mythic folktale about how one of evolutions's most successful designs ended up slithering around without the benefit of appendages. It's not unlike the stories about how the tiger got his stripes or how Republicans were born without hearts. That last one I never understood.


PS, yes, I added a coupe of panels to the comic. Consider it a bonus.


john boehnerFebruary 10, 2011: "We're going to have a relentless focus on creating jobs." - John Boehner.

Still waiting, John.


Fox News Lies!And what is Fox News spewing lately? Lies that they were being used as human shields by Libya.

If you don't watch Fox News please request that your local cable provider remove them from your monthly bill by calling them about it at three in the morning.

end rant

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