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Raging Pencils Comic
God buys a do-it-yourself universe-making kit

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Black Gold

golden skullRegardless of what the "news" is reporting on Keith Olbermann's departure from MSNBC it had almost EVERYTHING to do with the recent NBC/Comcast merger and a little to do with Sarah Palin for president. More on Monday.


After wrecking the mortgage industry the big boys on Wall Street needed a new way to vacuum the wallets of the unsuspecting greedheads across this great country. This time the scam is gold, which has lately reached record heights in value. Will its price eventually crash, leaving countless retirement portfolios worthless?

Uh, yeah. The only thing we don't know is exactly how Wall Street will blame the coming crash on Main Street... again.

While I'm on the subject, do you know how gold is mined these days? Especially by third-worlders with an empty belly and a casa full of ninos to feed?

First, you find a spot in the jungle where the federales can't find you, at least for a while, then you sneak in massive pumps and large hoses. These hoses are then turned on the surrounding forest, blasting powerful streams of water at the surrounding land, quickly reducing it to slurry. That bit of jungle is jungle no more.

This slurry is then put in settling tanks whose bottom contains mercury. The gold in the sludge eventually settles and combines naturally with the mercury. Pour off the sludge and you have a yucky, poison gumbo remaining. To extract the gold the muck is heated, whereupon the mercury boils away into the atmosphere. What remains is mostly gold.

But what about that mercury now floating around in the air. Isn't it dangerous? Yes, but it's worse than you think, because now it's methylmercury, a bioaccumulant that can cause birth defects. Tons of this stuff is being burned every year and once it gets into the food cycle, especially in fish, it stays there.

So if you want to destroy the rain forest, poison the air, drive gas prices past $5 a gallon and keep the fat cats fat then by all means keep investing in gold. That's evidently why God put it here.


In case you're wondering, and you probably aren't, today's cartoon came as a result of me trying to determine the steps an all-powerful deity would take if he/she/it were to create a universe.

Yeah, you might think it's as easy as snapping your fingers and POOF instant universe, but it's clear even the hairiest of thunderer's would have to have some clear understanding of atomic theory as everything we know is built according to understandable rules. Not only that, but he/she/it would have had to have invented the basic building blocks of all matter... quarks.

This of course assumes that quarks are as small as it gets. For all we know they might just comprised of even smaller units of matter. If so then is it conceivable that there's no such thing as too small?

Incidentally, I reserve the right to make minor "improvements" to my cartoons as time goes along. This one is no exception.



end rant

What's in Mike's iPod?
No music today, instead I'd like to share Glen Beck encouraging
his viewers, back on 6-10-2010, to shoot Democrats in the head.
Why is this man still on my TV?

Today's amazing mystery comic is:


Raging Pencils is a charming conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
IllustrationFlash AnimationWeb Design

Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
DailykosCrooks and LiarsThink ProgressTalking Points Memo

Today's Google Chow.

Yahweh: "Damn! It looked so much bigger in the catalog."

Caption: God tries to save a little money by ordering a Do-It-Yourself-Universe kit.