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Keith Olbermann, we hardly knew ye.

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Let's Play Oddball!

keith olbermannSo here's how I think the whole "Keith Olbermann" thing went down.

MSNBC management weasel: "Hi, Keith. Thanks for coming in. I won't beat around the bush. We here at MSNBC would appreciate it if you made Countdown a bit more advertiser-friendly. We're only making $200 million in profit from your little puppet show each year and we'd like to make a whopping butt-load more, especially during the upcoming presidential election season."

KO: "By 'advertiser-freindly' I assume you mean quit doing stories about, oh, British Petroleum, right?"

Weasel: "Actually, we'd prefer that you show pictures of adorable puppies for 60 minutes, five days a week. At least until January 20th, 2013."

KO: "C'mon, be serious."

Weasel: "We are serious. Puppies. Lots of puppies."

KO: "One of these puppies wouldn't be named Sarah Palin, would it? You know, I have a history of some success here. I could leave right now and do my show on any other station I choose."

Weasel: "Name one."

KO: "... Okay, you have a point, but I'd rather Tweet from my jammies than be told what comprises the news and what doesn't."

Weasel: "Tweet from your jammies. That's rich!"

KO: "It's in my contract."

Weasel: "Say what?"

KO: "Paragraph 9, sub-section 13, right after the discounts on cafeteria lunches. It says, and I quote, 'The moment a fascist takeover of NBC occurs I, KO, have the option of taking my big, fat, well-earned salary and going to Cancun for two years.' Unquote."

Weasel: "Okay, you got us. Just leave your company ID at the door and don't say anything about our deal until at least the New Hampshire primaries. If the press gets nosy we'll just tell them you were planning this all along. That way we both look good."

KO: "Don't worry, you'll still smell the same."

Weasel: "Very amusing. Oh, Olbermann?"

KO: "Yeah?"

Weasel: "You wouldn't happen to have any more lesbians laying around, would you? We could use one for the 5 o'clock slot."

KO: "Uh, sorry. Fresh out."

Weasel: "Never hurts to ask."


If you're on Twitter go follow Keith's FOKNewsChannel.

"FOK", for all you alarmist's, stands for "Friends of Keith".




end rant

What's in Mike's iPod?
"Bahn Frei" by Eduard Strauss

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Raging Pencils is a censored conceit of:

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Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
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Today's Google Chow.

You may be surprised to learn that, at any one time, only about eleven percent of prime time viewers are watching cable TV. Let’s break that eleven percent down a bit more, shall we?

As you can see there’s a lot of competition for that small slice of the viewing spectrum, and while fox news may seem to be one of the bigger players its prime time programs are often out-pointed by shows such as WWE wrestling, Hannah Montana and Spongebob Squarepants.

Cable news is, in other words, TV’s crazy uncle who sleeps in the cellar.

What this means is that truly deserving programs, like Keith Olbermann’s “Countdown”, were only ever viewed by a relative handfull of Americans.

But I had the pleasure of watching it every day and to me it felt like this:

Thanks, Keith, for all the great years and all the great commentaries. Hope to see you again real soon!.