Gun
Go Boom
"If Guns Were More Like Cars", a Raging Pencils fantasy.
It was a crisp spring day and Bill Johnson suddenly
felt the urge to go kill an innocent woodland creature.
He grabbed
his gun keys, walked into the garage and fired up his
trusty Smith and Wesson, a vintage '65 his father
had given him as a graduation present. The ammo indicator
sprung to life and settled at half capacity.
The battery
was
at full
charge
but the oil level light was blinking. Worse, Bill noticed
his
inspection
sticker
was about to expire.
"Two birds, one stone, I guess" said Bill to himself
as he checked his wallet to make sure his gun insurance
was up to date before heading out to visit the armorer.
A good oiling with some of that new synthetic stuff
would do the old girl good, he thought, and maybe he'd
get
the
sights
aligned
while
he was
there.
Bill walked off briskly towards the main square and
soon stopped at an intersection. As he waited a young
man raced up next to him and skidded to a stop. He
was carrying an Italian Baretta AR90 with a high-capacity
banana clip and was angrily cocking and recocking it,
the chattering sound rending
the air, daring Bill to take him on.
Bill just looked straight on, ignoring the challenge.
Laughing with scornful impatience, the young
man raced off, still furiously
chambering rounds when all of a sudden there was
a loud bang and
the
kid veered into a ditch.
When Bill arrived his practiced eye confirmed his suspicions.
The young man had neglected to set his safety
and had
shot
himself
in
the foot. He lay there, his rifle scattered in smoking
pieces, muttering to himself "My Dad's gonna kill me."
Later, after the ambulance and the police had left,
Bill stood and wistfully pondered for a moment his
reckless, younger days when a gun almost cost him his
own life. But after a few moments he realized it was
getting late, so he
double-checked
his safety, aimed his gun downtown and proceeded onward.
Maybe he was still distracted, thinking about the kid,
or maybe it was the glare from the sun reflecting off
his bifocals but Bill probably didn't see the deer
crossing sign. He certainly didn't see the deer.
---------------
Concerning all the recent news which reveals what a
bunch of greedy, unscrupulous poopoo-heads the Fastbuck,
I mean, Facebook management is I still contend that
Fastbuck, I mean Fascistblog can be a force for good
AND a place to share pictures
of
our
food as long as we:
1. Use an ad blocker.
2. Never click on ads (or polls).
3. Never Friend someone you don't know.
4. Always verify information before sharing it.
5. Don't give Farcebilk, I mean, Fakebulk accurate
personal information, just to screw with their data-mining.
(FB thinks I'm
a grandmother living in Oatmeal, Texas. I'm not and
I don't.)
Did I miss anything?
--------------
The following is the approximate conversation I had
yesterday with a neighbor. Thankfully not a close
neighbor.
Me: "How's it going?"
Him: "Hillary."
Me: "Nice weather, huh?"
Him: "Hillary."
Me: "Uh, yeah, she's okay."
Him: "Hillary, that bitch."
Me: "Hey, did I tell you about the time Laura
Bush killed a man?"
Him: "Hillary! Hillary! Hillary!"
Me: "You haven't been vaccinated yet, have you?"
Him: "Fuckin' Hillary!"
Me: "Oooh-kay. Laterz."
Him: "Hillary."
--------------
It's estimated that between 55 and 100 million Native
Americans, 90% of their population, died from European
diseases spread by the colonists.
If the native people's had already developed modern
antiviral technology it would have been MUCH more difficult
for
the invaders to steal this country from them.
The tongue-in-cheek lesson is: If you enjoy the fruits
of this conquered land, and don't want to die like
them
dumb
ol' Injuns,
then get vaccinated and protect yourself from foreign
viruses.
---------------
Health Update:
First, I'm feeling much better these
days and am looking forward to new creations come November.
Second, in an effort to quiet my anxiety before sleep
I've taken to sitting up against the headboard, a comfy
pillow in my back, and I meditate while performing
deep breathing exercises. I oftentimes catch myself
drifting off to sleep in this position and will
quickly slide under the covers before I topple over
and out of the bed.
Then there are the times when
I transition
from sitting
up to
lying
down and I have no memory of it. It's sort of magical
and I recommend it.
---------------
Today's comic originally appeared
May 5, 2013.
=Lefty=
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