AUGHHHHHHHHHHH!

"She's awake at last, doctor."

"Where… where am I?"

"Ms. van Pelt, you're in a hospital with some very serious injuries. Can you tell us what happened to you?"

"Yes, I can. I was in my yard playing the old 'pull away the football trick' on Charlie Brown, except in this case Charlie was being played by Donald Trump and the football was a metaphor for the 2020 election. Trump came running at me and I was about to pull the ball away when he unexpectedly stopped, looked down at me, smirked, and then snapped his fingers. All at once a huge mob of rednecks, nazis, mafiosi, lawyers, Russian spies, oil executives, NRA members, Fox News personalities, a gang of proud boys brandishing tiki torches and every single Republican U.S. Senator appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to beat the living shit out of me for what seemed a long time. A really long time."

"Is that all, Ms. Pelt?"

"No. As I lay there, watching my blood soaking into the ground, hoping to die, Trump walked up to me, leaned over, smirked again and grabbed my pussy."

(Nurse begins sobbing)

"Next thing I know I woke up here."

"Would you like to press charges?"

"Against Trump? Is he still in office?"

"Yes."

"Someday. Okay? Right now I think I'd prefer to vote."

"Vote?"

"Yes, I just want to vote Trump out of office so that he spends the rest of his life in jail for conspiracy and racketeering. And I hope while he and his entire family are in jail he gets to watch his two sons brutalized by the prison system until they're no longer recognized as human."

"Uhhhh, we'll see what we can do, Ms. van Pelt."

"Thank you, doctor. Now let's talk morphine."

=Lefty=