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The progressive web comic about how Fox News insists on calling the Trump investigation a collusion instead of a conspiracy.

start rant

Calling All Offs!

It was early in the days of the Garden of Eden that Adam noticed that certain sounds and fluids emanated from holes in his head. Being it was his job to name everything he first decided to call the water that flowed from his eyes "tears.

Next, he called the drooly stuff that ran out of his nose "snot". As for the sound his nose occasionally made, especially after he sniffed the pretty flowers, he declared it a "sneeze".

However, when his throat was dry or his chest was congested a loud, raspy bellow would often escape his mouth hole. He thought and thought and thought about what best to call it. Just then a ewe and an aye-aye appeared and offered their assistance. They both suggested that Adam call the sound a "potato".

Adam thought about this for a moment but then suddenly brightened as he said "Ewe say potato and aye-aye say potato but let's call the hole thing "cough".

Thank you! I'll be here all week.


I've never had much luck with comments on Reddit. My ripostes are usually a bit out of step with millennial tastes. However, today in /r/askreddit we were asked to describe our favorite movies in limerick form without revealing the actual title of the film and my answer received a staggering 10,000+ up-boats, more than I've ever gotten at one time. My limerick?

I'm glad you asked:

I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot.
I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot.
I am Groot, I am Groot.
I am Groot, I am Groot.
I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot.

The funny thing is my favorite movie of all time is "The Music Man", the originaly version staring Robert Preston. (Yeah, I'm weird.) I also wrote a limerick for it, too, but it only garnered three up-clicks so I'm going to make you suffer through it, too. Enjoy:

In Iowa the people were droopy
Then a fraud got a librarian groupie
He took a grand stand
And sold them a band
Now they all dance the Shapoopie.

If you think I'm odd for liking this film keep in mind that Seth McFarland animated the entire Shapoopie sequence in an episode of "Family Guy".


I am the Red Hen. I am Maxine Waters. I am Patricia Okoumou. I am Kristin Mink. I am Robert De Niro. I am David Hogg. I am Emma Gonzelez. I am Mike Avenetti. I am Stormy Daniels. I am Rachel Maddow.

Fuck Trump.


end rant

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Google Chow (Eat hearty, little Google-bots!)

Fox News to FBI building. You say conspiracy and I say collusion. Let's call the whole thing off.
FBI: No.