Season's Gratings

For a person who's hawking totally useless crap (See below) I'm going to suggest a way to save the planet this Xmas...

End Xmas.

Not all of it, just the self-destructive parts.

By that I mean, if I was an evil scientist and I wanted to destroy the world as quickly as possible I'd popularize something like Xmas, a holiday which results in vast amounts of both greenhouse gases and pollution.

Next time you walk into any big box department store look at all the Xmas crap on the shelves that's meant to be used once and tossed away. This is pure insanity but people don't recognize it because it's "tradition".

Recycle? You make me laugh. We're Americans. We don't recycle shit.

Would the economy suffer if we all didn't buy marginally improved appliances each and every year? Yes, but what would you rather have? Oceans less saturated in CO2 or a crock-pot that can whistle "Dixie" in four-part harmony versus last years measly two-part harmony. (This is actually a metaphor about new TVs and cell phones but "crock-pot" is a funnier word.)

We can still have Christmas, of course. The Christians can still pray for the birth of Jesus (In entirely the wrong month but, hey, who said Christians were all that bright?) while the rest of us can take some time off for self-examination. Can't have too much of that.

Yeah, I know I'm spitting in the wind but sometimes that spit can water little acorns that might just grow into mighty groves of fresh perspective.

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I still have a few of the Treasonous Weasel ornaments still available. Get 'em while they're not hot. $20, with free shipping though ain't nobody getting 'em by Xmas.

=Lefty=