Racial
Profailing
Although there's no real evidence for it most devout
and secular segments of our population believe that
it was an apple which Adam and Eve consumed in the
Garden of Eden,
thus dooming mankind to Walmart, Honey Boo-Boo, and
rap music (Screw you! It sucks!)
But, for the sake of argument, let's say that it actually
WAS an apple. If so, the fruit in question would no
doubt have been from the crabapple family as mankind
had yet to develop all the varietals we've come to
know and enjoy today. Since no one reading this screed
has ever eaten a crabapple I'll describe the taste
in one word:
Punishable.
They're small and sour and woody, though edible if
you're desperate for a snack and the hunters have yet
to return with the wooly mammoth ka-bobs. And don't
start whining about crabapple jam. Hell, almost anything
tastes good if you plop enough sugar on it, but you
have to go pretty low on the locavore scale to decide
to start making crabapple jellies. Might as well boil
up some slugs.
But I digress.
If you think there are other fruity fish in God's Wading
Pool, think again. Eden's bananas would have been starchy
and filled with large seeds, the oranges would have
been small and tart, and the wild strawberries and
blueberries would have been much, much tinier than
the supermarket variety. They didn't attain marketable
size until mankind got funky with their respective
genotypes.
What I'm suggesting is that the Omnipowerful Man Who
Sits In The Clouds Watching Us Masturbate did a pretty
crappy job when it came to designing the food we were
to eventually consume. In a small sense, mankind is
more godlike in that we have reengineered the fauna
and flora in order to suit our jaded tastes. (For the
record, GMO's are creeping me out.)
So don't go thanking God for providing your daily ration
of jelly donut, or chicken florentine, or even that
can of Spaghetti-O's. Thank yourself for being such
clever little monkeys to have repurposed all this available
plant and animal material into something awesomely
palatable.
------------
Mea Culpa: Today's cartoon and Rant originally appeared,
although the cartoon has undergone critical appearance
changes for reasons which have nothing to do with exthetics.
=Lefty=
|
