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Tap Doubt

reusable water bottleAmericans will drive far out of their way to save a nickel on gas but they'll happily pay $1 for one penny's worth of water.


The only scam worse than bottled water is homeopathy. And that's water with the secret ingredient of nothing, which costs a zillion bucks, or thereabouts, per dose.


The only reason people should be using bottled water is immediately following a natural disaster devastating enough for people to begin considering cannibalism.

We trash fully 80% of plastic water bottles and that shit's got to stop, so quit putting your legs in the air every time an Evian commercial comes on and use the water fountain, buy a reusable water bottle, or just drink your own urine until you get home. Remember, I am watching you and I will judge you!



end rant

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And that's why bottled water is the perfect way to impress women.
Rebelliousness: Recycling? Hah! Recycling is for sissies!
Sophistication: Hmmm... note of pine, leather, smoke, and a tart finish. This is definitely a '68 Fiji mountain stream.
Fearlessness: Aw! Who's afraid of a few cancerous chemicals?
Generosity: It's like a diamond, babe. They charge 1000 times more than it actually costs, but you're worth every penny.