The
Power of Prayer
 Okay,
the Massive Rant
Engine has been refueled so away we go!
-------------
If
prayer really worked the safest place to
live would be in a mobile home in Tornado
Alley.
If prayer really worked Dick Cheney's heart
would have been replaced with a potato.
(Some
say it always WAS a potato, so maybe prayer
really DOES work.)
If prayer really worked Stephen Hawking
would be starting quarterback for the Seattle
Seahawks and we'd have a Grand Unification
Theory... or not.
If prayer really worked
Wall Street would go
out of business. (Although, come to think of it,
those clever, mendacious fucks would probably
create a huge bank of computers
that could cast naked-reverse wishes billions of
times per second.)
If prayer really worked I'd drop dead
of a heart attack right n.....
Hah! Nice try, Dick. Fuck you and your
little potato heart, too!
If prayer really worked sex would be...
oh, God. OH, GOD! NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!!!
If prayer really worked the world
would look and operate a lot like
Second Life,
a virtual world populated by
people with the IQs of churros
living in mile-high homes made of
day-glo-hued genitalia, spending
their days dressed as sexy Nazi
unicorns
and griefing one another.
If prayer really REALLY worked
the world as we know it, dominated
by creatures
driven more by libido than common
sense, would be reduced to ashes
in less time than it takes to tell.
That's why the pious pin their
prayerful
hopes on more low-yield results
like "the phenomenon of the
retrieval of lost keys" or "the
miracle of passing a test
that
really wasn't that
hard".
So the next time someone says,
for example, that they have cancer
don't say "I'll pray for you."
Say instead "That's terrible.
Is there anything I can do? Get
better
soon but please let me know
how you're doing. In the
meantime,
I'll donate
what I can to the American Cancer
Society and will reassess my risk
factors to lower my chances of
getting cancer, too, so we can
stay friends forever."
-------------
One more thing...
this 'toon pitting father against
son reminded me of the
movie "The
Great Santini". It
was a critically-acclaimed
film,
garnering two Oscar nominations
in 1979. I was surprised to learn
that it premiered on HBO a mere
two weeks
after opening
in
theatres
because
the studio had no faith in it. Yes,
Hollywood is a strange place.
=Lefty=
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