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Reach Down and Touch Someone

lost cell phoneThis past weekend I was on one of my typically long neighborhood walks when I spied a cell phone battery up against the curb. A few feet farther down the street was the back cover of a cell phone. Not far from that lay the naked guts of cell phone. "Hey!" my brain said, "I think this is someone's cell phone." On the vague possibility that my brain was correct I gathered up the various pieces of this poor, wounded creature and then continued on my merry way.

Once home I reassembled the phone and cranked it up. It seemed to be work normally so I tried to solve the mystery of to whom it belonged. There was nothing usable in the address book but a little more snooping uncovered its phone number so I called the provider, T-Mobile, to see if they could help.

After a short-ish wait a representative came on the line, a very engaging young woman whose soul had yet to be sucked dry by the rigors of call support. After I told her why I was calling there was a short pause, at which point she sort of went berserk. In a good way, though.

It seems that trying to return a cell phone to its owner is a much rarer occurrence than I'd ever have imagined, which explained why my boundlessly perky phone representative was acting as though I'd found the Lindbergh baby, or single-handedly overturned Citizens United. Her breathless delight was so rapturous I wasn't sure if I'd called customer support or Dial-A-Hot-Mama.

I was several steps into planning our honeymoon when the identity of the rightful owner was divulged and the merriment came to an abrupt halt. A short time later he arrived and picked up his lost treasure, explaining that his young son had tossed it from the car earlier that afternoon.

You're probably thinking "Why didn't the little liberal feeb keep it for himself?" Perhaps I'm unfashionably old-fashioned but I couldn't imagine keeping someone's cell phone as it's a very personal item, like a purse or a hairbrush or a fleshlight. Besides, I'd certainly want my phone returned if ever it went astray. Wouldn't you?

Now if you'll pardon me I have to go look for more lost phones.


After having re-read my story it occurs to me that it would be prudent to make it as easy as possible for someone to return my phone should I ever misplace it. So I added the following image to the opening screen:

At the very least, it implies ownership and might actually guilt the finder into returning it should they waver in their moral responsibility. It also helps to have the kind of crappy phone no one in their right mind would ever want to keep for themselves, just one step up from a Morse code device that also functions as an Aldiss lamp.


end rant

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