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The Nose Pin Zone

you can't explain aliensHello, this is Bill O'Reilly, and welcome to the show.

As you know, human beings across the globe are currently being systematically exterminated by a vast army of powerful warcraft controlled by telepathic alien beings who claim that human speech is an abomination to their god and thus we must all be eliminated.

There are rumors, in the way of enemy communiques recovered from the smoldering ashes of a covert Navy SEAL team, which indicate that the broadcast of Fox News itself was the final straw which spurred the aliens to destroy all humanity, but we here at the Factor know what this is really all about. This is just another scheme by good King Obama to silence the voices of honest, bed-ridden septuagenarians like you.

There's no doubt that this attack was planned way in advance of the 2014 mid-terms in an effort to alter the face of the electorate and thus ensure Democratic control of Congress. After all, only real patriots will stand up to alien invasion which means a lot of brave Republicans won't be around to vote come November as they'll be much too busy decomposing.

This scheme is made all the more transparent by the way our military allowed itself to be atomized in the first seconds of the attack, surely another misstep by our Kenyan-mander in Chief.

Now there's no one left to protect you but Fox News, so what can you do? You can start by grabbing your guns, bolting your doors, and stocking up on oxycodone but, by all means, be sure and order my book "100 Ways to Survive the Annihilation of the Human Species by Murderous Telepathic Aliens and Socialized Health Care." It's available on Amazon or can be found in the smoking ruins of your local book stores.

Well, that's it for this edition of the Factor. If you're still alive tomorrow and you still have gas for the generator please tune in as my guest will be the dessicated husk of Anne Coulter... What? It IS Anne Coulter? You sure? That's great. So until tomorrow, remember that the spin always stops... right here.


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