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The Bunny Trial

Easter Tootsie PopsYou know what Easter Sunday means to me? It means that on Monday the chocolate bunnies will be half-price at Piggly-Wiggly. I'm also down to my last few bags of Easter Tootsie Pops so I'm anticipating restocking the larder.

I always wonder why we celebrate Easter every year. It's not a cyclical event like birthdays or Thanksgiving or the Winter Solstice, known in some parts of the world as Xmas. The Resurrection happened only once a long time ago and nothing much has come of it since, that I can tell. Do you, personally, know anyone who's gone to Heaven or Hell? Do you have repeatable evidence?

Unlike the South, dear friends, Jesus is not going to rise again.

These Jesus-y holidays always perplex me anyway. On Xmas, the day when Jesus was born, you get cool stuff like Hot Wheels, a PS4, or Barbie's Family Planning Clinic, but on Easter, when the J-Man supposedly came back from the dead, rising from the grave to offer us everlasting life, a not unremarkable event, we only get a relative handful of sucrose-encrusted fertility symbols for our trouble. Doesn't seem proportional.

If you're of a spiritual bent perhaps you should just introduce your child to the mystery of the Resurrection once, sort of like a goyim bar mitzvah, and move on. No need to bribe the little nipper with candy every year to remember God Jr. when they're probably just a few Snickers bars away from diabetes 2.

Just sayin'.


end rant

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He: I‘m in love with the world's most beautiful woman but she's dead, though she promises to have sex with me after I die. as a reminder, once a year I get jelly beans.
She: You are one sick little fuck.
He: And that's what Easter is like to me.

Make that the most beautiful imaginary woman in the world.

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