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Crime Pays. White Crime, That Is.

white collar crimeThe following, wirtten by "mauxly", was borrowed from a thread on reddit.com regarding unethical life hacks. It's too brilliant not to share.


Rewrite your organization's lending standards, encourage your brokers to fudge client numbers, sell variable rate ARM mortgages to financial illiterate poor people who are just thrilled to say they own a house!

This is awesome because now you are driving up demand and prices. Higher mortgages mean more money for you.

Make tons of money on associated fees.

But wait! You haven't even started! Now package that shit up in super sketch derivatives and sell them off. More money!

But you aren't done!!!

When the housing market takes giant shit, first blame it all on Freddy/Fannie and the poor people. Next, lobby hard to make sure any bail out money goes to you and not the homeowners.

This way, there will be a shit load of distressed houses.
Start a hedge fund that buys up all of those low cost homes with cash before any actual homeowner can. Trust me, you want to cock block those fuckers from ownership. Because....

....now that you own all of the land, you can drive rental rates through the roof on these people, and create massive scarcity so they'll be forced to pay a super inflated mortgage rather than risking constant rises in rent.

And then when you've decided that the new bubble you just created is about to start oozing, back off on purchasing. But hold like a motherfucker because now your new rent backed securities are making you money hand over fist.

Totally legal!


You're probably thinking "Why didn't someone go to jail over this?" Keep thinking. It'll come to you.


end rant

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Real Obamacare horror stories:
Ralph W., banker: If medical bills don't bankrupt families then I can't foreclose on their mortgage! Now I can't even afford a third yacht. Thanks, Obama!
John B.,congressman: Please, god! Please let us repeal this thing before the rednecks figure out how much we've been lying to them.
Marty P., insurance lobbyist: Crap! This thing might morph into single-payer, and then I'll be out of a job. I'm too old to start selling meth again.
Sarah S., physician: I'm seeing patients who haven't been able to afford to see a doctor in years. The illnesses I'm treating would curl your hair.
Tom J., retail sales: Obamacare has been a godsend for me and my family but I'm worried the GOP will take it away. Please don't let them take it away!.

Overturn Citizens United