Bitter-Sweet
Success
 Although
there's no real evidence for it most devout and secular
segments of our population think that it
was an apple that Eve consumed in the Garden of Eden,
thus dooming mankind to
Walmart, Honey Boo-Boo, and rap music (Screw you! It
sucks!) If so, the apple in question had to be
of the crabapple family as mankind had yet to
develop all the varietals we've come to know and enjoy
today. Since
no one reading this screed has ever eaten a crabapple
I'll describe the taste in one word:
Punishable.
They're small and sour and woody, though edible if
you're desperate for a snack and the hunters have
yet to
return with the wooly mammoth ka-bobs. And don't start
whining about crabapple jam. Hell, almost anything
tastes good if you plop enough sugar on it, but you
have to go pretty low on the locavore scale to
decide to start making crabapple jellies. Might as
well boil up some slugs.
But I digress.
If you think there
are other fruity fish in God's Wading Pool, think
again. Eden's bananas would have been starchy
and filled with large
seeds,
the
oranges would have been small and tart, and the wild
strawberries and blueberries would
have
been much, much tinier than the supermarket
variety. They didn't attain marketable size until
mankind got funky with their respective genotypes.
What I'm suggesting is that the Omnipowerful Man
Who Sits In The Clouds Watching Us Masturbate
did a pretty crappy job when it came to designing
the
food we were to eventually consume. In a small sense,
mankind is more godlike in that we have reengineered
the fauna and flora in order to
suit our
jaded tastes. (For the record, GMO's are creeping
me out.)
So don't
go thanking God for providing your daily ration of
jelly donut, or chicken florentine, or even that
can
of Spaghetti-O's.
Thank
yourself
for being such clever little monkeys to have repurposed
all this available plant and animal material into something
awesomely palatable.
=Lefty=
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