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The Tithe That Binds

tithingNow that you've enjoyed today's Raging Pencils cartoon I hope you will help me spread my comic gospel by generously donating to me, the Right Reverend Lefty, ten per cent of all your yearly earnings, spread evenly across the coming 52 weeks. If you do so you shall someday gain eternal salvation, accrue a vast personal fortune, meet plenty of hot chicks, plus other stuff I haven't made up yet. And all in the name of the Monday, the Wednesday, and the Holy Friday Comic.

If you decide not to share your hard-earned wages then you are certainly doomed to eternal damnation, the fiery pit, a possibly imaginary bad place that's really hot and filled with red guys with pointy horns who poke you with pitchforks. I know this to be true because I say it's true. I am all-wise and incorrupt. You can trust me.

The best part about bestowing upon me your meager resources is that I'll pay no tax on them. Sweet, huh? The vast majority of the funds will, of course, go to feather my own nest and, yes, a new Cadillac will not only look great in my driveway but it will do wonders for my public image. To allay any outward appearance of greed I promise to give a very small fraction of donations to certain charities which I run, mostly having to do with those adorable wayward boys, and will also devote the occasional rant to the virtues of poverty. It's the least I can do.

If enough of you suckers fall for this line of steaming crock, I mean, should your loving gifts of faith be adequate I plan to employ teams of devoted acolytes to build a mega-website that will welcome millions of generous, starry-eyed worshippers every day of every week. I will also host a daily AM radio program on which I shall share innocuous anecdotes about progressive comic fans who have gone on to cure AIDS, cultivate the Trans-Sahara, and solve the world's energy problems without the benefit of an engineering background.

Now go, and spread the word of Lefty's Cut-Rate Emporium of Sin and Redemption, because there's nothing like free advertising. Hallelujah!


Speaking of making things up:

God: And remember, Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother's milk. It is cruel.

Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.

God: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.

Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs.

God (somewhat annoyed): No, Moses, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk!!!

Moses: Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside...

God (exasperated): Ya know what Moses, do whatever you want....


end rant

Mike's Video Vault: You Have No Right to Be Here.


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What Does $10 Get You These Days?
Three and one-third bottles of Three Buck Chuck
Jane Austen action figure
4000 calories and 9000mg of sodium.
Novelty t-shirt
1/3 of a share of Microsoft stock or 1/43 of a share of Apple stock
Nothing. Not a damn thing.

Rollover: Ten bucks will also get you psychoanalysis from a hooker. (See previous cartoon.).

Overturn Citizens United