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Happy Everything!

universal holidaysHolidays are a boon to the working cartoonist as they allow us to frack the almost limitless veins of nostalgia and bizarre customs that attach themselves to such emotional occasions. After all, why create original material when you can make endless gags about fruit cakes and/or matzo balls?

In fact, if America celebrated a major holiday every three weeks cartoonists could basically go on auto-pilot. So let's move Xmas back into late February where it arguably belongs and anchor Easter to a single reliable date instead of letting it freelance all over the calendar. Let's lock Hanukah to mid-December (Hey! We can ALL be Jewish for 7 days!) then give the 25th back to the pagans, and we'll all celebrate Saturnalia. It's an orgy, baby! Who's gonna complain?

Kwanzaa is an artificial holiday (not unlike Xmas) so it can appear anywhere, so let's shift it to mid-June where it's a natural fit with Juneteenth (Yes, it's a thing!). The seven core principals are actually a good idea but they get lost under all that December chaos.

So this means that if we all start taking Veterans Day and Columbus Day more seriously, and by that I mean getting gifts, alcohol and/or partial nudity into the mix, we can party hearty all year long.


end rant

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Today's Google Chow.

How love works:

Geeky Cupid: We begin by cross-referencing a data-base of available individuals possessing similar qualities and then employ any number of simple ruses to arrange a meeting between suitable mates, at which point I arrive and initiate the pair-bond with love's arrow.

How love really works:

Drunk Cupid: Aw, crap! It's almost five and I still got sixty arrows to unload. Man, this ain't gonna be pretty.

Overturn Citizens United