Genesis
II
 And God said "I will make your pains in childbearing very
severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
And Eve said "Dude, you're already kicking us out of Paradise into the thorns
and thistles. Give me one good reason I need to follow your arbitrary
rules
and
be
a
subservient
little broodmare
for
Doofus over
there."
"Because," God said, "what else would you do?"
"I'll tell you, Jasper. Out beyond those flaming swords I see a big wide, wonderful
world, and I can't wait to explore every one of its four corners.
And though I may eventually starve to death wandering lost among the
many
mysteries
this
planet
holds
it certainly
beats
sitting
in a mud
hut with
a brace of ninos sucking the life
out
of
these
fabulous
knockers
you fashioned for me."
"But you must bring children into this world, my child. It's why I created you."
"Ah, my marvelous reproductive system. Babies and stuff. Yes, I get it,
but
am
I
to
bear
young
just so that they may bear young just so that their young will bear young? Do
we only stop having children when there's no more room left on this planet?
What
is the ultimate point of such a system?"
"It's because I have plans for you, my children."
"Plans? Why, that would mean you expected us to eat the fruit of the Tree of
the Knowledge of Good and Evil all along, so pardon me if I don't
flop
over
in
a swoon anytime soon and
offer
up my virgin nethers to Captain Tightpants. Or Tight Figleaf... or whatever."
"Okay, Eve. You win. Go explore this Earth. I'm sure that someday you will find
value
in what Adam has to offer."
"You mean those things he's making from old animal hides? I don't even..."
"They're called 'shoes'", said God, as he smiled quietly to himself.
=Lefty=
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