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You Have My Permission To Go DTV*

why so stupidNew Years Eve usually means a night of unabashed terpsichore for Beloved Girlfriend and me but this year our favorite bands were unavailable so we had to make do with some really good food and a really bad movie. The food was from our favorite sushi place, Kaze, just down the road in Mesquite, Texas. (Try the udon soup.) As for the movie...

I know I'm (again) completely alone in this opinion but I found "The Dark Knight Rises" to be punishably, insultingly, skull-crushingly stupid from beginning to stultifying end. It was one of the few movies in recent memory where I was truly delighted to discover that the rental disk offered no special features. Rather than be entertained I felt I needed to take a test as the credits rolled, just so the producers of the film could be relieved that I didn't miss any of the zillion "important" plot points. I'm surprised that a Redbox-branded garbage truck didn't come by the next morning to collect the disk along with all the withered Xmas trees, empty liquor bottles and last year's iPhones littering the curb.

I won't go into details here because I'd be writing all night but let me just say: the thing with the planes, the thing with the broken back, the thing with the fusion engine, the thing with the explosive-enfused concrete, the "war" thing, the girl everyone thought was a boy only it DIDN'T FUCKING MATTER! all made my brain hurt.

Oh, and everything about Selina Kyle, AKA Catwoman, the world's most amazing, though poorest, cat-burglar. She's exactly what you get when 10-year-olds try to write strong female fictional characters.

Batman's foe, the super-villain Bane, was refreshingly anti-corporatist, a sort of psychotic parody of the Occupy movement, but when he died you hardly even noticed. Or cared.

The only human moment in the entire 150 minute running time is when Bruce Wayne, as Batman, gave his life to save his city from nuclear annihilation only <wink-wink> he DIDN'T!  ("Hey, Lucius! I secretly fixed the autopilot because I like fucking with your mind. I'll send this hackneyed plot device packing and see you in Paris, baby!")




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