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What if prophets actually knew what they were talking about.
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Get It?

I'm so confusedThe Boy Scouts of America reaffirmed their position as homophobic nitwits by continuing to ban homosexuals. On the plus side, if you're a Boy Scout AND a member of the Westboro Baptist Church you eat free at Chik-Fil-A... but only on Sundays.

A young friend of mine is moving into a new home. I told her she should paint the walls of her bedroom the same color as her dark skin so she could stand against it and hide in plain sight. She reminded me that the walls were already the same color as me, beige, and that I should shut the fuck up. Point taken.

Speaking of the body's largest organ, if we didn't have skin how would we decide who to hate? Let's start with Dick Cheney and see how that works.

For some time now I've been crossing out the word "God" in the phrase "In God We Trust" on my folding money, especially the larger denominations. However, I've been recently informed that these bills are removed from circulation once they reach the bank. Bummer. For that reason I'm now touching the word "God" with my weiner. Think about that.

No one expects the Polish Inquisition.

Fluoride in the water? Communist plot. Flammable fracking chemicals in the water? Good for the economy.

I wonder if rocks have nightmares about being wrapped in paper?

Hey, Hollywood moguls! If you're really worried about people pirating DVDs, stop selling them.

"God helps those that help themselves" is not a real Bible verse. What other Bible verses sound real, but aren't? (Answer: All of them.)

This is what a Japanese newscast about gun deaths sounds like: "And now, here's Haruto with the weather."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Not only does that phrase also apply to viruses but it's apparently Monsanto's new mission statement.

I'm putting a spoiler on my car. It says "Rosebud was the sled."

Finally, in a surprise move the Republican National Committee has nominated Attila the Hun as their presidential candidate as Mitt Romney's vulture capitalism was deemed not rapey or pillagey enough.


end rant

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Oh, that Mitt.

big fat liarCan you imagine the result if Ronald Reagan had lost California, his home state, by twenty points in 1980? Well, Mitt is currently losing Massachusetts by 20 points. Yes, the people who know him best like him the least.

What if Mitt is hiding his tax returns because he paid NO taxes in 2009? Joshua Green makes a good case for that argument.

Speaking of taxes, Mittens claimed that he didn't have to release his tax returns (and I'm paraphrasing) "because John Kerry's wife didn't have to." Uh-huh.

Holy crap! Is Mittens REALLY trying to tar Obama with the brush of crony capitalism? Mitt might just as well criticize the president for being a Mormon.

And the Romney Lie of the Day is when he quoted the president as saying "If you’ve got a business—you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen." It sounds bad but Mitt just happened to leave off the preceding sentence, which goes: "Somebody invested in roads and bridges. "

Mitt Romney. Classless act.

Video Time!

I'm not sure, it's hard to tell, you'll have to listen closely, but I think Mitt Romney says in this video that he would have let the American auto industry go bankrupt.

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President Obama's Top 50 Accomplishments

Number 20: Increased Support for Veterans

barack obamaWith so many soldiers coming home from Iraq and Iran with serious physical and mental health problems, yet facing long waits for services, increased 2010 Department of Veterans Affairs budget by 16 percent and 2011 budget by 10 percent. Also signed new GI bill offering $78 billion in tuition assistance over a decade, and provided multiple tax credits to encourage businesses to hire veterans.

For the full list of his 50 finest achievements read the Washington Monthly story.


And now our Chart of the Day: Top 1% Share of Total Pre-Tax Income 1913-2007

top 1% of pre-tax income

Larger version of the chart  here.

Republican Job Creation Update

republican job creation7-18-2012: The House was in recess on Monday the 16th. On the 17th it passed both a Department of State appropriations bill and the Insular Areas Act of 2011. (Insular areas are, generally speaking, small islands which the U.S. claims for itself.)

For the full 2001-2012 list of Republican sloth please visit republicanjobcreation.com.


Fox News Lies. Dump Fox News

Fox News Lies! A
ccording to Fox News, young people support president Obama because "They don't know anything." Further proof that the only people watching Fox News are old people and their parents.

Click here to help Drop Fox from your cable system.


If you enjoy Raging Pencils, might I also recommend:
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Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
DailykosCrooks and LiarsThink ProgressTalking Points Memo

Today's Google Chow.

Dueling Prophets
The people will thirst and hunger but god will hear their pleas and send unto them a messiah who shall rise from the West.
Be not deceived, my friends, for the savior shall appear out of the East.
And he shall raise up great armies before him and marshall them against those who have persecuted his people.
Nay! The chosen one shall come with a dove in one hand and an olive branch in the other.
Mighty cities will fall at the command of the deliverer and he will dance among their ruins in triumph.
Not so! The redeemer will lead his people to the land of milk, and of honey.
Then he shall lift high his sword of many blades, and he shall slay the sons of David.
Godwin's Law!

Overturn Citizens United