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Randi Rhodes

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Raging Pencils gets religion

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Unhappy Feat

happy feetThis is a little embarrassing but I had athlete's foot... for five years... and I never suspected.

I know. Sexy, huh?

The major symptom was pain. My feet hurt all the time, especially whenever I walked as it felt as though I was striding barefoot across cobblestones. My feet appeared okay, they were a little dry and scaly and my toes felt a little numb but I just put  it down as another instance of my advancing decrepitude.

I Googled my symptoms frequently, discovering such delightful maladies as rheumatoid arthritis, peripheral neuropathy and countless other dead ends.

I tried vitamins, exercise, hot oil treatments, the occasional sacrifice to the Dark Lord, but nothing helped. Finally it got so bad I went to see a podiatrist about two weeks ago. $250 later I was out the door with a tube of fungicide in my hand and a big, fat case of the stoopids. I honestly never suspected the problem. After all, what kind of slob gets athlete's foot?

The reason I broach this tasteful little anecdote is because several days later I happened to mention my podiatral experience to my neighbor, and his eyes started bulging out of their sockets.

"MY FEET HURT, TOO!", he said.

It turns out that he also has a raging case of the Hindoostani sneaker scourge and didn't know what it was. He was delighted to hear his feet weren't going to rot off and that the treatment would be dirt cheap. I billed him $250. It seemed only fair.

So consider this a cautionary tale if you happen to have achy tootsies.

One more thing, the doc prescribed a semi-exotic, prescription-only fungicide that retailed for $35 at my local pharmacy, but I found it online for $8. So keep your Google at the ready.


I think what I'm really trying to say with this cartoon is that if you're going to ensnare your mind in biblical amber then perhaps you'd be happier on some distant island, staving off disease and starvation while enjoying the same sort of bronze age existence referenced in the tome you've chosen as your life-guide. Meanwhile, the rest of us will get on with the vital business of shattering our fragile ecosystem.



Republican Job Creation Update

john boehner"We're going to have a relentless focus on creating jobs." - John Boehner, February 10, 2011.

The following is #83 in a list of Republican job creation activities since they gained control of the House in 2011. None, sad to say, have yet to result in one, single new job.

(83) 9-15-2011: Today the GOP-led House passed a bill that would make it easier to fire union workers, union organizers, or simply move jobs overseas in order to bust a union. In essence, an anti-jobs bill.

(84) 9-16-2011: The government has provided loans that help the auto industry create jobs, that helped keep the assembly of the Ford Focus and the Nissan Leaf here in America. Republican Majority Leader Eric Cantor plans to strip half that money to repair damage from Hurricane Irene... in HIS district.

(85) 9-16-2011: President Obama is trying to fast track job creation for a company called LightSquared and Republicans are pissed, evidently because the employer had the nerve to donate to the Democratic Party. He, uh, also donated to the Republican Party.

NOTE: As a result of an unexpected wave of enthusiasm the Republican Job Creation update now has its own web site. It will remain on the RP but a web site of its own will raise its visibility on the 'net as we progress towards the critical 2012 elections. And I thank you for your support.


Dump Fox News

Fox News Lies!And what manner of lie is Fox News spewing today? Anyone paying attention knows that taxes are at historically low rates... except Fox News.

Click here to help Drop Fox from your cable system.

end rant

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Today's Google Chow.

Hi! I'm Mike Stanfill, creator of Raging Pencils. I'm here today to announce that I'm getting out of the cartoon biz.

Instead, I'm starting a new Christian denomination that respects all the teachings of peer-reviewed science, keeps its nose out of politics, and pays its fair share of taxes.

We'll accept homosexuals, understand the importance of good birth control, and won't pretend we can actually talk to god.

Our Jesus will actually look middle-eastern, we'll celebrate his birth in May and we won't fetishize the crucifixion.

Best of all, there are no churches. We'll meet in parks... when the weather is nice.

Of course, I'm just fucking with you. I just wanted to hear how a sensible religion might sound.