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Would you make a good Republican congressman?

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Weasels Rip Our Flesh

weasels rip our fleshI wrote today's gag early Wednesday afternoon, and then woke up Thursday morning to a huge gift-wrapped package of shiny affirmation.

For instance, this morning the Republican Party released their new Contract For America in which they enumerated all the many ways they plan to help their corporate masters screw the system, uh, I mean, help "small business".

Four hours later House Republicans voted, almost to a man, against a new bill that contained billions of dollar in incentives and loans to, uh, help small business.

The ensuing avalanche of gall that flowed from Capitol Hill wiped out two condos, a strip joint, and a mosque.

The bill passed anyway but only because two retiring Senate Republicans jumped ship to vote for the package.

More good news was when Republican candidate for Senator and ex-presidential front-runner Mike Huckabee got on his little podium at the Values Summit and said, certainly for the benefit of his insurance overlords, that if you have a pre-existing condition then you can go screw yourself.

To be precise, he told the assembled wing-nuts that people are like houses, and a pre-existing condition is like a house that's been on fire. You shouldn't expect to get insurance on a house that's been on fire, right? So why should you deserve health insurance just because you have asthma or diabetes?


Not only is Mike Huckabee a first-class jerk but he's also lousy at metaphors. The closest human condition to a burnt-out house is a person who has died, but that argument for health care would have been as stupid as the one he made.

Then a video from 2009 pops up showing Senatorial candidate Sharon Angle, at a Tea Party rally, mocking autism by making air quotes when she mentioned it her her speech. How lovely. Her speech indicates that Ms. Angle's view of health care is that as long as she's healthy the rest of you can kiss her grits. After all, she's past the child-bearing age so why should her insurance dollars be part of a pool that offers pre-natal care?

To top it all off documents obtained by the Freedom of Information Act proves that President Bush's administration began planning regime change in Iraq a mere three days after taking office. All they needed was a good excuse to invade. Now what could that be? What could that beeeeeeeee?

And what did we get from invading Iraq? Nothing but Iraq's oil, and it only cost us two trillion dollars. I wonder what that works out per gallon?

I could go on and on about this stuff, and it seems like I have already, but I think it's clear that we shouldn't trust a Republican candidate or legislator closer than we can comfortably spit out a rat. And there are plenty of rats these days.


end rant

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Raging Pencils is an abrasive conceit of:

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