New, free webcomics every Monday, Wednesday & Friday!
pump high heel sandal
Raging Pencils Comic
Reincarnated Jesus

Bookmark me Contact me Twitter me RSS me

HTML Comment Box is loading comments...

start rant

We'll Be Right Back.

pope mobileIt occurred to me today that the Pope visits countries the way Disney used to re-release their films... about once every seven years. That's so an entirely new group of 7-year-olds can be properly indoctrinated into the product. More importantly, the parents can witness the event through their children's eyes, thus further cementing the consumer relationship.

Mmmmm. That's good marketing.


ello and welcome back to the 61st Tertio-Centennial Crucifixion Celebration, brought to you live via satellite by Fox News. I'm your host Sean Hannity, along with the delightful Anne Coulter, and we're here in downtown Jerusalem gleefully awaiting the arrival of Jesus Christ for his 61st date with destiny on Calvary Hill.

That's right, Sean. Every thirty-three years the reincarnated Jesus is hunted down like an animal and returned to Golgotha for another holy crucifixion. This year he was particularly hard to track down as there was some evidence of plastic surgery and gender modification. But with the help of the brave boys of the Mossad our Lord and Savior was discovered working in a Condoms To Go outside of Corsicana, Texas. Great work, lads!

Below us a huge crowd of the faithful, along with any number of blood-thirsty freaks and Jesus impersonators, has assembled from all corners of the globe and is lining the main road, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the next float in the parade. Down among the crowd I see any number of glow-in-the-dark crowns of thorns, a very popular item this year, and almost all of the kiddies are gaily cracking their toy whips as though the Lord's flesh was right beneath their Nike Air jackboots. How adorable.

Just a minute, Sean! Here comes the next float now and, ohhhh, is that who I think it is?

He's fat, he's jolly, and he's heard on 3000 radio stations. Give it up for.... Rush Limbaughhhhhhh!

He's riding atop an award-winning float sponsored by the Pfizer Company. It depicts my personal favorite Bible story where 42 naughty children get mauled by two charming female bears under the command of God himself. And did I mention it was hand-constructed using over 17 million oxycontin and Viagra tablets?

Just look at that fantastic animation, Anne. Did you know it takes two 500-horsepower diesel engines to move all that blood? That'll teach those pesky kids to call that old man bald. Hah-ha-ha-haaa!

Not that Rush is bald.

Oh, no. No. I'd never call Rush bald. Never. Never in a million years. He'd break me like a, like a twig. Yeah, a twig.





Okayyy, we'll be back in a moment to count down the seconds leading up to the driving of the first nail, impaled into Christ's body by our own Sarah Palin. But first this word from Olive Garden, where even the last supper could the BEST supper ever!


end rant

Raging Pencils salutes the Mystery Readers of
Jena, Germany
Whoever you are, thanks for reading my unabashed little 'toon.

Today's mystery web comic is:


Raging Pencils is a childish conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
IllustrationFlash AnimationWeb Design


Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
DailykosCrooks and LiarsThink ProgressTalking Points Memo


Today's Google Chow.

Jesus in God's office.

Jesus: "Hi, Dad. Ummm, listen. I was reading the mission statement and, while I'm okay with going through with the whole crucifixion thing, it looks a lot like each time I return to Earth those little devils down there might just want to nail me up to something again. So I was wondering..."

God: "(Sigh) Miss Johnson? Get me rewrite."