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start rant

If the Shoe Has A Fit

the old lady who beat her childrenHow many of you remember all the words to "the old woman who lives in a shoe" nursery rhyme? I didn't, so I looked it up.


It's so grim I almost used it verbatim as the third bedtime story in today's comic:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread;
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

I shudder to think that somewhere in this country, in some upper-middle class bedroom community, an otherwise angelic little girl is entreating her mommy to read her that story about the mean lady again.



George Carlin died two years ago last June. Lord, I miss that human. On those rare days I can't get the humor juices flowing I thumb through his books for a little demented inspiration. I particularly enjoy Napalm & Silly Putty with Brain Droppings and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? in a dead heat for second place.

It's a different experience reading generally the same words he'd previously committed to recordings. You can really slow it down and take the joke apart, explore the nuance. Best of all, I hear it in my head as though he's reading it specifically to me. Pretty cool.

Allow me to share some of my favorite Carlinism's:

"That grey-haired douchebag, Barbara Bush, has a slogan: 'Encourage your child to read every day.' What she should be doing is encouraging children to question what they read every day."

"Here's how to get rid of counterfeit money... put it in the collection plate at church."

"Have you ever been on trial for murder? It's weird, you don't know what to do with yourself. Singing is out. I mostly just stare at the judge."

"It used to be you got a tattoo because nobody had one. Now people get them because everyone's got one."

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans


About today's cartoon: It's come to my attention that this particular Raging Pencils comic has been advertised on several social linking sites as "Republican Bedtime Stories" and that some potential readers have arrived at this page expecting to find some kind of sick, deliciously twisted conservative porn.

Sorry, honey, but this ain't Fox News, you diseased little info-monkey.


end rant

Raging Pencils salutes the Mystery Readers of
Ghemme, Italy
Whoever you are, thanks for reading my old-fashioned little 'toon.

Today's mystery web comic is:


Raging Pencils is a childish conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
IllustrationFlash AnimationWeb Design


Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
DailykosCrooks and LiarsThink ProgressTalking Points Memo


Today's Google Chow.

A Child's Sampler of Republican Bedtime Stories

(1) ... and the moment Jack's feet left the beanstalk he was arrested and deported. The end.
(2) ... but there's no such thing as fairies so Cinderella slaved until she died of an infected wisdom tooth. The End.
(3) ...and so the boy cried wolf time after time and still the villagers believed him. What suckers. The end.

I love you. Good night!
Sent from my Blackberry.