New, free webcomics every Monday, Wednesday & Friday!
pump high heel sandal
Raging Pencils Comic
Yahweh's diary comic

Bookmark me Contact me Twitter me RSS me

start rant

Let There Be Smart-assery

the book of genesis by R. CrumbEvery time I hear a Conservative demagogue dig deep into the Bible in defense of some crackpot notion regarding science or history I just crack open Genesis and start laughing. Seriously, you'd get more useful information reading the sides of cereal packets. Get this...

According to the Bible, God created light without first creating suns (and lets not forget that 80% of the known universe consists of dark matter). Neat trick, huh? At which point He created, in the following order, the Earth, the Sun, the Moon and the stars. That's sort of like building a house first and then adding the plumbing and wiring later.

Hey, wait a minute! Didn't He create light first? If so, why do we need the Sun? Yeah, I know... details, details.

Anyhoo, this was by now the end of the fourth Day. We've the Earth, the Sun, the Moon and, most importantly, the stars in the sky to keep time by. Yes, that's specifically why God made them, so we'll know what time it is, eventually leading to a consumer society where every moment of our day is driven by the clock to the exact second. Thanks a heap, God.

So what's next? Ah, yes.... fish and birds on the Fifth Day, which is odd because God then makes all the rest of the Earth's creatures on the Sixth Day. This long list includes all the land animals, both male and female humans and, oddly enough, insects. But why not make them all on the Fifth Day?

Does God think fish and birds are somehow different from bears and bunnies? Is this part of that "Two sets of dishes" thing?

So now we have a fully populated universe, right? Well, no. Because in Chapter Two we back up to a barren and formless Earth, at which point God makes Adam from mud and plants the trees. (In case you're not keeping score that's two conflicting stories of the creation of man.) God then makes all the animals and then personally, that's "personally", presents each one, individually, to Adam so that the most famous of First Men can name them.

Can you just imagine how much fun that must have been?

"Hi, Adam. Got another one for you."

"Oh, goody. What is it this time? Another fucking cricket?"

"Calm down, Adam. There are only 650 more crickets to go. By the way, how do you know about fucking?"

"Oh, uhhhh... Hey! What's the other thing you got there? That big white thing?"

"Well, you tell me."

"Okay... it's a... it's a.... polar bear! Yeah, a polar bear. What's it doing here?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"Hello! Huge carnivore! Obviously designed for cold climates! We're more or less equatorial but he looks like he would give anything for a penguin-laced Klondike Bar... why'd I say that?"

Back to the mud thing for a moment. Why mud and why only Adam? Everything else in the universe seems to have appeared at the snap of God's little pinky yet we're somehow supposed to be honored to have been derived from mud? Really?


This nonsense is just the first couple of pages. It wouldn't be such a big, hairy deal if they kept this book in the Fiction section of the library but there are WAYYY too many people running around with voters cards who think it offers a perfectly cohesive theory of the origins of life.

As Dear Leader might say... "Enough!"


end rant

Raging Pencils salutes the Mystery Readers of
Sesvete, Bulgaria
Whoever you are, thanks for reading my medicinal little 'toon.


Today's mystery web comic is:


Raging Pencils is an medicinal conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
IllustrationFlash AnimationWeb Design


Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
DailykosCrooks and LiarsThink ProgressTalking Points Memo


Today's Google Chow.

And now, another wacky edition of "Yahweh's Diary"

Wednesday: Today created 400,000 species of beetles. (frantic hair)
Thursday: Growing concern about obvious OCD.Created Prozac.
Friday: Created platypus.
Saturday: Saturday: Why kill myself? One man is plenty. I'm outta here.