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Raging Pencils by Mike "Hermey" Stanfill

The Sex Toys of Misfit Island.

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Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
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Today's mystery web comic is:

start rant

Mister, Can Ya Spare 120 Dimes?

"News is what someone wants to suppress. Everything else is advertising." - Ex-NBC news president Rubin Frank

newsprintMy local paper is teh suxors.

Its management is often hilariously, mostly tragically, eyebrow deep in the odious, mucusoidal goo of Conservative methodology. They will slice off their nose to spite the public face even when caught with both hands deep in the ideological cookie jar, which coincidentally just happens to be full of amputated noses.

For the better part of my life I wished them nothing but a hasty, painful demise but now, faced with the very real possibility of an America bereft of newspapers it's time to stick up for even the worst of them. We need our local papers, and even if their version of the news contains more bias than Edith Head's closet at least it's still possible to read between the slant and ferret out a nugget of occasional truth.

So I have an answer. It's imprecise and embryonic but it's food for thought:

Charge each user of the internet $1 a month, a fee that is to be evenly divided among our nation's newspapers.

Before you start bellyaching about paying for news you don't read allow me to remind you that if you have cable TV you're paying almost $1 a month for the worst, most propagandistic news organization in the history of America... Fox News.

Yes, it's true. Seventy-five cents of your monthly cable bill is currently paying for scumbags like Bill O'Reilly, Glen Beck and Karl Rove. That's almost a billion dollars a year in Rupert Murdoch's pocket and I'll bet most of you suckers didn't even realize it.

Now that you're sufficiently incensed, or at least I hope you are, back to my idea.

According to Internet World Stats the United States has over 250 million internet users. Even if there's only one-third that many actual internet accounts the sum total for a year of $1 fees would amount to about a billion dollars. Spread over the remaining 1400, or so, papers in the U.S. that comes to about a million bucks a year per paper. The money would be evenly allocated on a reporter-to-circulation ratio. This might even result in new newspapers hitting the streets.

Being part of this program would also require a paper to shift its news to an online format as aggresively as possible, one that can be accessed anywhere by a computer or by something like's amazing Kindle. The less trees in the equation, the better.

This is admittedly not a perfect idea, just a tasty nugget of an hypothesis to chew on. People much smarter than me concerning the newspaper biz would be better at assessing the best way to implement this notion.

Is this idea fair to online news organizations like, or No, but we can work on it.


end rant

Bonus Photography
Impressive stop-motion photography. Doin' it old-school.

Extra Deluxe Cultural Bonus Fabulousness

easter in spain
I just love the way kids dress up for Easter.
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Today's Google Chow.
Somewhere near the North Pole. Daytime.
Car: "I'm a race car covered in lead paint."
Doll: "I'm a fashion doll built to normal human proportions."
Dildo: "And I'm Larry. I'm a vibrating phallus that dispenses old cigar butts and disease-tainted syringes."
All the other toys on Misfit Island were really creeped-out by Larry.