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Raging Pencils by Mike "Scoop" Stanfill

Brrain Death.

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Raging Pencils is a sanitized conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
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Today's mystery web comic is:

start rant

Unhappy Holidays!

"Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans! No more merciful beheadings! And call off Christmas!" - The Sheriff of Nottingham

cancel xmas(Warning: Curmudgeon Alert! Level seven dudgeon expected. Be prepared to take shelter at nearby LOLcat facility.)

We need to stop celebrating Xmas every year. Here's why:

(1) If you need a holiday as an excuse to get together with your family, then you're doing it wrong.

(2) We shouldn't have to rely on Xmas to put stores in the financial black. With no Xmas, shopping patterns would more equally stabilize through the year, putting less strain on manufacturing and delivery. Fewer Billy Bass and Fart Machines (Pet. Pend.) would help the environment, too.

(3) If the holiday is so effective at driving the economy then we should celebrate Jesus' birth all year long. If we don't, we're fools.

(4) What most people forget was that the original celebratory event at the end of the year, before the Church moved in and appropriated 12-25, was the winter solstice. It commemorated the return of the sun and that, unlike Christ, definitely returns every year. No presents required, just lots of drinking and dancing.

(5) Let's celebrate the holiday, along with all the other similar heathen rites, once every four years, breaking them up evenly along the way. Christmas the first year, Hannukah the second, whatever the hell Muslims do on the third year and Kwanzaa on the fourth year, just for laughs.

(6) Every four years you can expect a SERIOUS-ass present!

While I'm being needlessly unpleasant, quit celebrating Valentines Day, you fools. Instead, party hearty on the anniversary of your wedding, or the day you first met your beloved. Make your celebration as individual as your love. Quit whoring your affections for the benefit of the tiramisu industry. It's not a special occasion if everyone is celebrating the same thing at the same time. Right?

If we don't stop this nonsense eventually almost every day wil be a federally recognized holiday. Then we'll need to have holidays from our holidays.

Santa/Rudolph in 2012!


Deity Death Watch: God just killed 287 people in Italy because they weren't pious enough. Way to teach 'em a lesson, Lord!


PS, Racist Asshole.

end rant

Bonus Teabaggification
Rachel Maddow teabags the Teabagging Party. Wicked funny!

Extra Deluxe Nanotechnological Bonus Fabulousness

Crafted by engineers in Osaka, Japan, this sculpture of a bull is
smaller than a human blood cell. Ain't that neat?

Still hungry for real news and analysis? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
DailykosCrooks and LiarsThink ProgressTalking Points Memo

Today's Google Chow.
Bathroom. Interior. Woman in tub. Cat licking genitals.
TV: "A heavily-armed imagination invaded an elementary school today. Thirty-one children were critically enlightened and six teachers sustained apotheosis before the assailant succumbed to a deadly fusillade of George Will editorial columns."