Soy Boy Adventures

I did some shopping this weekend in preparation of the 4th of July holiday. To me this most American of holidays requires hot dogs but, being of the vegetarian persuasion, I always stick to the veggie version.

So it was with that in mind that I visited my local grocer and scoured the weiner section of the vast dead animal parts department. Nothing. So I tried the meatless frozen food section. Still nothing.

So I went to the meat counter and asked the butcher where they kept my desired comestibles. He didn't know. So I asked the deli man. He didn't know, either. I then tried customer service and the nice lady in the party tray area. Bupkis.

Eventually I had three people, including the security guard, fruitlessly searching the store with me. We even found an employee who wielded a hand-held inventory device but even she was of no help.

Finally, I said thanks for the assistance and was just about to give up when I had an inspiration. I hustled over to the cheese and yogurt coolers and there, snuggled in amongst the Yoplait, were a couple of packs of soy dogs. My holiday was saved.

I thereupon revisited the butcher, the deli man, the party lady and the security guy waving my trophy in the air like it was the Stanley Cup. They all found it amusing but who's to say if they were laughing at or with me. Don't care. I got mah holidays dawgs.

PS, one thing that kept crossing my mind as I wandered the aisles of the store is that milk is liquid meat. And, therefore, then that means milkshakes are essentially bacon.

- Lefty