Single-Issue Yokels

It's amazing to think how terrible things have become in this country because too many incredibly stupid people thought "The Apprentice" was a documentary, who believed that Hillary ran a sex trafficking ring in the basement of a pizza parlor, who think that Messicans are taking all the jobs, that Haitians are eating the pets in Ohio, who perceive that Trump is in perfect health and never partakes of evil pharmaceuticals of any kind, and who are frightened by big sciency words and big sciency concepts, like "magnets" and "wind turbines". The same people who would rather feed their own families to rabid wolverines than take guns away from the blind and the criminal...

I could go on, but you get it.

Democrats are more nuanced. Their single-issue vote is "tax-the-rich/affordable-health-care/more-renewable-energy/feed-the-hungry/save-social-Security/release-the-Epstein-files".

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After the head of the Department of Whore, Pete Kegstand, declared that there will be no more fat generals I hope every one of those officers in attendance at Quantico immediately had their doctors declare them to be six-foot-three and 239 pounds.

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Speaking of which, I'm hoping those Generals have a new map available because they certainly where Trump's road leads, if you know what I mean.

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Jane Goodall, the Mister Rogers of anthropology, has departed civilization for her last great safari. Thank you, sensei, for the lessons you taught us about ourselves and our place in nature.

- Lefty