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Congratulations! It's a mob!

From menarche to menopause the human female catapults one (or more) ovum a month out into the cold cruel world, to fend for itself as best as it can. That's roughly 360 potential children if you harvested them all and housed them in suitable lodging while they matured into the next generation of consumers. Under more normal circumstances, say, a baby every year born the au natural way, that's thirty new mouths to feed per woman. With modern obstetrics such a feat is entirely, pun intended, conceivable. Insane, but possible.

You'd almost think this is the scenario conservative's mess their drawers pondering considering their objections to birth control and pregnancy termination services. But, if we're honest, they're just pushing the emotional buttons of women voters, positing the notion of cute widdle babies being torn from their mother's wombs with pickaxes, jackhammers, and squibs of C4.

To conservatives, women are just brood mares for the next generation of soldiers and/or burger-flippers. But you want to know a little secret? If you take immigrants out of the picture the U.S. population is falling. And you know what? That's a good thing. We need fewer humans on this planet.

Now if we can only convince all those farm-fed Mexican Catholics from taking that "fruitful and multiply" shit so seriously.


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Man and woman sitting on parkbench
Of course I'll marry you, Albert, and as the wife of a good Christian Republican I will eschew birth control and any thought of abortion.
And since you're a virile, 100% heterosexual male I'm sure I can expect no less than your full romantic ministrations every night.
Therefore I calculate that, if we hurry, we could have at least 30 children by the time I hit menopause. Maybe more!
So what do you say?
Albert's head explodes: Boom!
Woman: God, that was fun.