Spit-Ballin'
Why
did I choose to characterize the Affordable
Care Act
as a cute widdle puppy dog instead of,
say, a giraffe, a mole rat, or a giant
squid?
Optics, baby.
Pure optics. (Although
on second thought that giant squid thing
would have been
SO COOOOL!) The important
thing is that, like David Letterman's legendary
giant doorknob, it's just big.
-------------
I have
been wanting, for some time now, to address
the urgent need
of reform in one of America's most cherished
institutions. I am, of course, talking
about little league baseball.
Now, I don't know if things have changed
much since I coached little league back
in the 80s and 90s but this is what I learned:
12-year-old boys are not professional baseball
players, so why the hell do we make them
play by professional baseball rules? The
league games are supposed to be fun, not
act as de facto AAAAAAA farm teams for
the
majors.
The first thing I'd change if I were King
of Little League is that everyone bats,
even if they don't play. If you have 14
kids in the dugout, then you got a 14-kid
batting order. And if one of the kids shows
up late because dad was road-raging again,
add him to the list.
The second thing I'd mandate is unlimited
substitution. At the beginning of each
inning you send out whichever nine kids
you choose. None of this "once you're
substituted, you're out" nonsense.
Furthermore, as coach, I'd make all the
players except the pitcher and catcher
shift positions after each out because
I can tell you from first-hand experience
that right field can be a grassy little
dungeon. Yeah, we're not all natural infielders
or center
fielders
but,
as I've said, the emphasis
should be on the enjoyment of the game,
and a change in scenery does a kid good.
Who
knows? The occasional stint at short stop
might even make the lesser-talented kids
feel kinda special.
The last thing I ever want to see again
is a nice, though physically-awkward kid
stuck in the back of the dugout (It happens)
because some coach approaches the game
like he's
got his drinking-money
riding on it. That's some ego-crushing
stuff,
yo.
If kids have a genuine interest in the
sport they'll have plenty of time to pursue
it later in life.
=Lefty=
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