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how religion really works
How religion really works.

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Juvenile Fiction

earthquakeSomeone once described the gospels of Mark, Luke, Matthew and John this way:

It was as if someone born in 1973 decided to write the story of Watergate in 2014 relying only oral histories. And the writer was a Republican.

My favorite part of the crucifixion story is when Jesus dies and the city is beset by earthquakes, and then the dead saints rise from their graves and start walking around. And no one seems to care. Mary reportedly just stands on a nearby hill, calmly taking it all in, not losing her shit, as you might expect, over her sons grisly death and all this unusual spectral activity.

No wonder no one takes this book seriously.


end rant

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Jesus? Sure, we grew up together. Best sole repairman in Jerusalem. He once even heeled a leper. We called him "King of the Shoes". His specialty was rabbit pelts and he would dye four hare skins. His dream was to travel, though. He called it a "cruise fiction", but after he got nailed in a crosswalk by Pilate's Pontiac he admitted he was whipped and went home to work for his father.
How Biblical history worked.
Borrrring! I'll just edit it later.
Did I mention his horny crown?
I'm outta here.

Overturn Citizens United