Reaper's
Little Helper
 "You
know, being the reaper of souls used to be an interesting
job, although in the beginning the variety of deaths
was basically a long string of 'Eaten by tiger, eaten
by lion, eaten by honey badger' broken up by the occasional
rash of deaths by flood or volcano.
Then mankind got
its technological butt in gear and dreamed up all manner
of inventive ways to kill one other. Death by spear,
death by arrow, sword, pike, mace, cannon ball... man,
I was a kid in a candy store. Then the diseases got a
solid footing and it was an endless stream of polio,
smallpox, cholera, dysentery, you name it.
Good times, man.
Then tobacco came along. Yeah, tobacco was
my hands-down favorite as it worked subtly, delicately,
killing you years later in a zillion different ways with
a zillion
little cancers. And cancer. Sweet, beautiful cancer.
Nowadays, pfffft.
It's gunshot, gunshot, gunshot. Man, I'm tellin' ya,
if my 401(k) had performed better I'd be in Hawaii already,
knocking back margaritas and scopin' the beach bunnies.
Well,
it's been great bending your ear but evidently Syria's
going nuclear and I got a job to do. See you
later, and I mean that sincerely."
----------------
 For
the record, 487 children and teens have been killed
by gunfire since the massacre at Newtown.
--------------
The most eye-catching quote of the day:
"If a Russian Edward Snowden ended up in JFK Airport,
there is no way in hell we'd turn him over to the Russians." -
Julia Ioffe
-------------
Thanks to the obstructionist, racist,
Republican Party the
113th Congress set all kinds of records for inactivity.
They passed so few useful bills that you can scan the
entire list in just a few minutes on
this handy web page.
------------
Speaking of laziness, there's been a persistent
myth going around that vegetables can only provide the
proper amino acids when eaten in careful combinations.
This is, however, only
a myth.
------------
And kudos to Lavabit, a ten-year-old firm offering secure email services that
chose to shutter its doors rather than bend to the prying eyes of the NSA. Good
fortune to ye, lads.
=Lefty=
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